Allergic Reaction: Allergic reactions are fun because they bring on all the systems of a cold or flu, and then disappear after some anti-histamines. And that’s exactly what you can tell your boss to explain why you look as good as new. Your friend’s cat knocked you down for the count, or the ingredients of that highly processed food through you for a loop. It’s a good thing you took that sick day!

Hemorrhoids: Boy are hemorrhoids embarrassing, but a flare-up makes it too painful to go into work. And guess what? Just like diarrhea and vomit, nobody wants to talk about your ass! So you can show up and your boss will avoid eye contact with you when they ask if you are feeling better, and you can start to launch into a story, but they will have already fled the scene. Isn’t getting time off easy?

Food Poisoning: This is probably the best ailment to say you have of all time. Food goes bad everywhere! Food poisoning comes in like a hell storm and out like a sick kitten, and never with any warning. Sometimes it happens so fast you only need a day to recover. This will have you covered as far as vomit and diarrhea are concerned, so you don’t have to say those words out loud. You can always act a little fatigued and sigh (even a reality TV actor could pull that off). As for the fictitious food, shrimp is always a safe bet, or bad Chinese food, but you can never go wrong with poultry or fish.

The 24-hour Bug: The good ole’ 24 hour virus never ceases to amaze. You have a very strong immune system, don’t you? How you can show up the next day after having a bug knock you down for just one day is beyond me, your boss, or any current professor at MIT. You can even make the weird lapse in your health a topic of discussion when you return. Chalk it up to all that imaginary Vitamin C you gobble down or good genes, but whatever you say, you got a free day off work.