Anyone living in the U.K. right now will tell you that things aren’t great. What was once a globe-spanning empire now can’t even keep a school open for more than a few months without the roof caving in — all while paying more for things like electricity, other utilities, and train tickets than their European neighbors.

This isn’t an enviable position for *any* government to be in, but the Brits have handled it particularly poorly. Rather than proposing meaningful reforms to improve peoples’ lives, they’ve repeatedly hit trick shots into their own groins — resulting in a system where nothing works, your water is filled with sewage, and the government won’t stop talking about the importance of investing in cryptocurrency.

Recently, the police added another chapter in the Great Book of British Decay. Specifically, the British Transport Police announced that if you leave your bike somewhere for more than two hours and it gets stolen, they won’t even bother to investigate.

“The more time our officers spend reviewing CCTV... the less time they have available for patrolling railway stations and trains, investigating crimes which cause the most harm,” the BTP explained. Right, the less time police spend investigating crimes, the more time they have to…investigate…crimes. What?

Locals say this effectively amounts to decriminalizing bike theft, to which the BTP has responded, in essence, “Yeah, but what are you going to do about it?”

The bad news is your bike can be stolen without consequence. The good news? A trip to the train station now comes with a free bike!