Self-driving cars are going to take over the world — at least, that’s what the tech people keep telling us.


In reality, the idea of a self-driving future is still much further away than anyone in Silicon Valley would care to admit. Cars with supposed self-driving capabilities have been shown to have issues like hitting children, and with current software, self-driving cars can stop working mid-ride or be trolled by dudes wearing stop sign shirts.


However, the concept of “reality” has never stopped investors. That’s why so many have poured money into the idea and attempted to expand it beyond the world of everyday driving. For example, the Abu Dhabi Autonomous Racing League recently had its first race. How did it go? Well, why don’t you just watch the video?



How long until you stopped watching? A minute? 30 seconds? Ten? Personally, I made it just a few minutes before I realized just how boring an A.I. car race could be.


In short, this thing sucks. The cars move slowly, even occasionally stopping as the code breaks or the cars get too close to each other. Even when they’re moving quickly, they look like robots, stripping away all of the joy that comes from watching Formula 1.



Sure, it may be a technological achievement, but just because something is difficult, that doesn’t mean it would be fun to watch. Building a robot with a working dick and training it to suck itself off would be difficult, but that doesn’t mean that people would be lining the streets of Dubai to see it.


On second thought…