Captains Log, Stardate 172009.6:
He got into a big wheel accident.. so now he can't poop :'(... hes depressed.. he won't come on ebaums and entertain us.. WHAT KIND OF WORLD is this without the wisdom and unfathomable knowledge of TurdFerguson420... WHY o' lord WHY?! he loved poop so ..but you had to take it away from him! Turd.. may you poop in peace.. real soon... cause i can't take this shit hole all by myself.
You have a duty TURDFERGUSON!! You're a Star Fleet Officer!