Been a while since I posted
lard_infamous
Published
07/27/2011
So the other day I was on my fat guy scooter eating my comfort food (deep fried kfc gravy covered in more kfc gravy) wondering if I would ever see my little chicken wing again. You see I Love tyaeda with all my heart, but one day my animal instinct took over, and I did something to her I swore I'd never do.....I swallowed her whole
I scooted into the bedroom one night to find her on the bed covering herself in various things. Chocolate syrup, whipped cream, cherries, and other things that could drive a man wild! "This is your lucky day, my jiggly love planet", she said, "I'm gonna combine your 2 passions in life: me and food!" Next thing I know, everything goes black. As I came to, I was covered in chocolate sauce, and I had whipped cream all over my mouth. I looked around the room, but Tyaeda was nowhere to be found. Suddenly I felt a sharp kicking pain in my stomach followed by a faint voice "I thought you loved me!" "Ty! Are you alright in there? Speak to me! " I screamed at my gut. "Just get me the fuck out of here NOW!" she shouted. Luckily, I was prepared for just such an emergency. I scooted into the bathroom, and grabbed my bottle of ipecac. I chugged down the bottle and waited. There was a huge ruble, and I spewed out Tyaeda and half of country kitchen buffet I had for breakfast. "You soonofabitch!", she roared, "I poured my heart and soul into you, and you treat me like a piece of meat? After all we been thr......did you just get a boner because I mentioned meat???" I looked down, and there it was (hey I couldn't help it!)
"Bye Lard. Clearly food is more important to you than me." Tyaeda said with tears streaming down her face. She packed up her things, and slammed the front door. For the first time in my life, I didn't feel like eating. I don't know if I'll ever see my little chicken wing again, but I'd give up kfc gravy for a year to tell her how sorry I was
I scooted into the bedroom one night to find her on the bed covering herself in various things. Chocolate syrup, whipped cream, cherries, and other things that could drive a man wild! "This is your lucky day, my jiggly love planet", she said, "I'm gonna combine your 2 passions in life: me and food!" Next thing I know, everything goes black. As I came to, I was covered in chocolate sauce, and I had whipped cream all over my mouth. I looked around the room, but Tyaeda was nowhere to be found. Suddenly I felt a sharp kicking pain in my stomach followed by a faint voice "I thought you loved me!" "Ty! Are you alright in there? Speak to me! " I screamed at my gut. "Just get me the fuck out of here NOW!" she shouted. Luckily, I was prepared for just such an emergency. I scooted into the bathroom, and grabbed my bottle of ipecac. I chugged down the bottle and waited. There was a huge ruble, and I spewed out Tyaeda and half of country kitchen buffet I had for breakfast. "You soonofabitch!", she roared, "I poured my heart and soul into you, and you treat me like a piece of meat? After all we been thr......did you just get a boner because I mentioned meat???" I looked down, and there it was (hey I couldn't help it!)
"Bye Lard. Clearly food is more important to you than me." Tyaeda said with tears streaming down her face. She packed up her things, and slammed the front door. For the first time in my life, I didn't feel like eating. I don't know if I'll ever see my little chicken wing again, but I'd give up kfc gravy for a year to tell her how sorry I was
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