Cleveland Follies: Part V, Employment

                I had several different jobs when I lived in Cleveland.  Some jobs were great, while others were shitty.  Most of them had funny moments.  I will share some of them with you here.

                Sam Goody:  Sam Goody was a fun place to work most of the time.  The store had two floors.  Movies and Classical Music were upstairs, and all other music was downstairs.  People would often come in and ask where they could find a Rock/Country/Rap CD.  I would direct them downstairs, most of the time I also pointed at the stairs.  One customer came in and stood next to the stairs.  He asked where the newest Eminem CD was.  I told him downstairs and pointed at the stair case that he was standing next to.  He stated that he didnt know how to get there.  I told him to use the stairs, one at a time.

                One lady came in to buy a movie about animals.  She handed a coupon to me that said she would save $3 on the tape (it was all VHS at the time) if she also bought a bag of dog food.  I pointed this out to her, and she asked where we kept the dog food.  I informed her that we did not sell dog food.  She walked out and said that shed never shop there again.  I didnt care, Id get paid either way.

                Gas Station:  I worked at a gas station just to mess with customers.  It was an older building that had the restrooms in the back of the building, accessed from the outside.  If I had to use the restroom, I had to shut off the pumps (you could pull up and just pump gas at that time) and lock the door.  It was winter and I wore my coat to go out.  Having watched Clerks, I decided to use some of that type of humor.  I returned from taking a dump one evening and saw a woman standing at the door.  I asked her if the dude was in there.  She said no and that shed been standing there for about 10 minutes.  She then said that she was leaving.  I said that Im going to wait, because I needed a pack of smokes.  As she walked away, I unlocked the door and walked in.  She was pissed, but I found it funny.

                I often read the news paper while I took a dump.  I was in there for a bit one day reading an interesting article.  I returned to the store and received a phone call from the sister store.  That employee stated that a customer had tried to get gas from my shop but no one was there.  She asked if everything was ok.  I told her yes, I was just pooping.  The next day, I made a sign that read Im taking a shit.  Wait.  I came back to the door to find a woman standing there, reading the sign.  She said something to the effect that she wondered what kind of stupid person would write such a sign.  She didnt see me.  I said Im very smart.  Im just crude.  Her face turned beat red.  She did not make eye contact with me at all while she was in the store.

                Hotel:  I worked as a bellman in a hotel in downtown Cleveland.  I had a blast with that job.  I met a lot of interesting people and some celebrities.  Prince or The Artist or whichever name he goes by today stayed in the hotel with his band members.  He was very short and very arrogant.  He was going by that symbol at the time.  He went into the gift shop and the lady that worked there asked him for his autograph.  He responded with No, besides what would I write?  His band members and body guards were very cool.  He received a package from the arena where he was performing the next day.  I took it up to his penthouse.  I was met by one of his guards at the elevator.  I informed him that I had a delivery for Prince.  He looked at it and told me to go ahead.  A very attractive woman answered the door and tipped me $20.

                Another celebrity that I met was Nancy Kerrigan.  She was performing in one of the Disney on Ice traveling shows.  She was a complete and utter bitch.  I understood why Tonya Harding had Kerrigans knee hit with a bat.  Hell, I wanted to smash her in the knee with a bay myself.  Kerrigan didnt like the way her room was arranged and wanted me to move furniture around for her.  I informed her that I could not do that.  She told me that she was done with me then.  She stiffed me on a tip.  What a bitch.

                In the interest of keeping this from going long, I will end this blog here.  I may write some more about my employment in the next installment of Cleveland Follies.  Take care.

Uploaded 12/13/2011
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