LOL at Atheist Church

Yes, there are stupid non-religious people, too. And this seals it: Word is spreading via Facebook newsfeeds that Britain has opened their "first Atheist church".

What they do is stand around on Sunday morning, singing pop songs, bowing their heads for a "moment of silence", and engage in the ritual sharing of joints or a meal - or what we would understand as hymns, prayer, and communion.

- "I don't see why churches should own Sunday morning."
- "The moment you give us a title, you're just a short distance away from a robe and a funny hat."
- "It's the same thing [as a church], but different."

These are actual quotes by congregation members of the Atheist Church in response to atheistoasis writer Ray Garton, who puts it pretty accurately by stating "They already are a short distance away from a robe and funny hat".

This poor guy could only stand by in complete disgust, facepalming his way around the interior of this "Fauxtheist" church to watch events unfold.

The best part, however, is when he stopped to correspond with church member Stephanie Soressi. After listening to this dolt drone on about practices and what's great about belonging to a group with rituals, rules on how to live and raise your kids, and reminders to "open his mind" along with terms like "The 4th Horseman" peppered within, he had it figured out. The place was more like a cult HQ than a church - and definitely not Atheist.

"Atheists are supposed to do without a's bad enough so many religious people accuse Atheism of being a religious belief without Atheists supporting their argument."

To which Soressi replied:

"What's wrong with that? They're using a self-defeating argument, because if that's true they should SHUT THE FUCK UP AND RESPECT OUR RELIGION, WHICH IS GODLESS!"

This pretty much did it for Garton, who got the fuck out of there as fast as he could. He didn't bother reading further articles or responses from Soressi.

"Soressi not alone, of course. Stupidity never is. There are others like her, people who call themselves atheists, but who simply cannot manage to pry their mouths from the tit of organized religion's rituals, rules, and dogmatic structure. They need somebody standing up there in front telling them things. They seem to feel that without church in their lives, they are somehow inferior, somehow less than, somehow deficient. And it has to be church. It cant be a simple gathering of like-minded people, no they need the word church, the structure of rituals that must be followed.  And they dont recruit, but they want you to listen to the Horseman and open your mind to new definitions. And, of course, they want you to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND RESPECT OUR RELIGION!"

Something told me that sooner or later we'd be seeing something like this, for sure. What gets me is how there are Atheists as dumb as these 'Fauxtheists' running around, and they all bash Agnostics, which truthfully, sounds more like what they're closer to - cuz they ain't Atheists. At all.

Read more of Garton's great article at

Uploaded 02/07/2013
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