This is inspired by Rednotes blog about his dying friend and that friends wife who appears callous. I don't think she is, she obviously is not a strong women, but I can't judge her if she is a bitch or not.
It takes a strong man to admit to his feminine likes, faults, fears and short comings. We all have them and are afraid to show them or admit publicly their existence.
Tonight I will reveal some things about me I am embarrassed about or should be and yet for some am not. I am willing to expose myself to public ridicule here on Ebaums because my personal characteristics are so trivial, so unimportant, so irrelevant in the world that if I cannot do that then I am not a man and reduces my existence even further.
So tonight I stand naked before you, not to shock or upset you, but to reveal my true nature unafraid of ridicule, judgment, persecution, laughter, hatred or any such human reaction.
My faults are many, yet they define me, like abnormalities in a bowl made of burled walnut. Its function not obvious as the bottom is missing, its form without definition or conformity. Its colors and grain twisting, fading in and out like clouds in a distant galaxy.
There are positive attributes about me that are harder to define and for others impossible to identify. I measure my success by what I have contributed to the community. If overall I have had a positive affect then I will count that as a success.
A lesser spirit resides in my home, I named him scout. He is a tri-colored beagle whom the family adores. He poops, he eats, he begs, he litters the back yard, gets underfoot when I'm trying to make a meal for the family, leaves all his hair on the floor and sometimes smells funky. The love and joy he provides my family with his good looks, happy demeanor and loving spirit far outweighs his negative attributes. This is one son of a bitch successful dog.
Well, I guess it is time for me to reveal some of my negative traits and things I am embarrassed about.
At home I sit down to pee. Not really sure what the big deal is, but on most sitcoms there is always an episode that ridicules that in a man. For me it allows some relaxation and an opportunity to wipe any fecal matter I might have missed previously.
My favorite actress, (I don't like the term female actor), is Betty White. This is one classy old lady who has a super sharp wit with an ageless beauty.
I'm overweight, so you ladies who fantasize about me better find a new image. Just kiddin'!
I suck at winning at sports. I always enjoy myself, give my best, but usually loose. I once won a dart tournament while drunk and completed a suicidal swimming challenge because the other option was drowning.
I cry watching chick flicks, so like a wuss I avoid them, less someone sees me getting emotional.
My penis is half circumcised , I'm not sure what that is all about, both my parents are dead, so I can't ask them.
I have four great boys, whom I receive kudos about in the community. One was tested at 98 percentile intelligence, (meaning he is more intelligent than 98% of the human population), but is suicidal so I constantly worry about him. My third son is exhibiting signs of being gay, but is physically awesome and intellectually superior. Unfortunately, he is unable to get a job due to his demeanor.
I drink too much, don't clean my room, don't always pick up after myself, refuse to fill out the long version of the census form, avoid paying taxes by taking cash jobs, look at beautiful women, and appreciate a well preserved older gal.
I drive a rusted out 98 Dodge work van, that has served me surprisingly well. My family car is a 2000 Chrysler Concorde I purchased for $800.00 last year, again no problems.
So I have no right to judge others, no right at all! I am responsible for my own actions, and I'll do my best to teach my children well.
There is little more I can do, and hopefully my life here will register a positive on the number scale!