How can I leave my apartment, and yet how could I ever possibly think of staying? Should I cross the street now or should I lay down here in the grass and sleep for the rest of the day? Would it make the world a better place to eat that sandwich or completely destroy the human race if I gave it to the bum waiting outside on the curb? Will my actions today add to the ever compounding summation of good or evil?
Maybe the ant hill that I just brushed away with the side of my shoe, held the genetic code to cure cancer? Maybe a scientist six years down the line would have collected an ant from that same hill, to alleviate the suffering of millions of human beings, if only I hadnt of been so careless. If I was to worry about these ever reaching effects of the most mundane acts of my everyday life, how could I ever possibly hope to function?
Everything that I do, and even those that I dont do, could drastically alter the course of the future. The fate of the human race could rely on a series of events I had started by the most simple and thoughtless of actions. Will I find a time traveler waiting for me at home, telling me not to go to work today to avert a nuclear holocaust forty years down the line? If this is the case, if every action or lack thereof can mean so much to the future, am I really strong enough to exist?
Would it just be easier to sink into the nothingness of thought and the barrel of a cold steel twelve gauge? Can I come to terms with the notion that millions might die based on my decision to drink that glass of water or just pour it down the sink? Will I be able to push this tenet out of my head and live a happy and oblivious life, or shall I be an ever cautious, depressed vessel of entropy, doomed to scrutinize the infinite what ifs of the world?