Being chubby is a drag. I mean, if your a full blown blimpy fuck already then fine, you get to stuff your face all day long and it just doesn't matter anymore. Being fit and packing on pounds is way worse because everybody you know will remind you of it. Nobody goes up to there already 300 pound friend and says "gosh your getting fat". Every where I went someone in my life would comment on how fat I'd become. Frustrated, I picked up many diet books and health magazines: Mens Health, Abs Diet, South Beach Diet, Eat This - Not That, and countless others to help me along and inspire me to reach my goal. We all know how I lost the weight on my own terms but I still have about a whole years worth of Men's Health stacked beside my toilet. While deuce dropping today I started browsing through them again and realized what bullshit these magazines are. Every issue is basically the same. Recycled relationship advice and dieting for dummies over and over again so I'm gonna sit here and break it down and give you my take and maybe help you save a few bucks or maybe even lose some weight.

Advice column's in mens magazines and probably every other publication like them are never realistic. While reading these Q and A's I often wondered if they were worded as such so your girlfriend would browse through it and say "oh how thoughtful, he's reading an advice column. He really does care and look at all the agreeable advice - I think I'll suck his cock. gargle gargle". I read one today that asked: "Q: My girlfriend wants a dog but I know I'll end up taking care of it, how do I say no? Help!". The response MH gave was to ask her to take classes and attend dog walks so she gets an idea of how much work a dog is. So the answer is to treat your woman like a child? When a woman wants something there is nothing you can do to stop her from wanting it. So why not give the honest, true answer? What this little bitch boy should do is respect the fact that his partner is an adult and can make her own decisions. The dog will chew out the crotch in all her panties and your point will be proven. Maybe you should whip down your pants and take a shit by the bedroom door every morning for a week so she gets the big picture. I read another: "Q: My girlfriend keeps trying to include me in her and her ex's inside jokes, what do I do?". MH went on to say that this behavior wasn't appropriate and that he might as well let the guy have a threesome with them. Even when it gets a little ballsy it seems so juvenile to me. How bout this, try letting go of the fact that your not the only man who's been in your girlfriends vagina and be happy that she wants to joke around and have fun with you. "1000 ways to make her scream!", "101 ways she can get you off" says magazines like MH, Maxim, FHM, Stuff or whatever else Megan Fox is on the cover of. I don't know of more then 3, maybe 4 different ways I can bust a nut in a day and these mag's seem to come up with 100's of new ways each and every month. Whatever happened to a normal blow job? I read a list that suggests a woman should whip out a pocket mirror while polishing knob so that you can see all the angles. What if I see my own reflection in that mirror and it looks like I'm blowing myself?  This guy that wrote in complaining about how he doesn't like giving oral to his chick really put things into perspective for me. "Its the only way she can cum" he bitched. No wonder these magazines suck. how can you have a reputable mens publication when the men reading it don't even like pussy?

The most prominent features these magazines all share is the weight loss tips. Every cover boasts shit like "Flatter abs in 2 weeks" or "look better naked" and recipes like "no guilt pizza" and low calorie beer taste tests. I drink PBR's like a mother fucker, you think I care if the healthy beer tastes bad? I'm just going drink until all of it's gone anyhow. The moral of this article is this - If you are choosing a Big Mac over a Whopper because its healthier for you, you are not in the correct mind set to ever reach your goal of losing weight. If anything you'll end up on a news reel, you know - The faceless fatty walking by while some reporter tells us how fat America is getting and how the next fad diet is going to reshape all our fat asses with little to no effort. If you turn to a men's magazine for advice about your relationship you are obviously too immature to handle a serious relationship anyways. I've had to create a make-shift plunger out of a cottage cheese container to unclog my toilet after my girlfriend took a giant shit (it worked BTW). I've been wrist deep in my finances shit and you really think you can tell me what she really wants and needs? Didn't think so. So all of you fat guys out there, don't read books, use common sense and put the fucking Pringles down. You will never feel a greater feeling then waking up one morning and seeing your own dick again. Guys down on your luck with there significant others, stop writing in to men's magazine's. You will never feel a greater feeling then waking up one morning and seeing your fucking ball's again.

W3