There is something wrong with me. I notice it more and more every year. Today I went to the Everett Sausage Fest in Everett, WA. (Ok, it wasn't THAT kind of sausage fest, it was a street fair kind of thing) They had rides, cotton candy, burgers, booths, etc. and I had a mild panic attack from all of the sensory input.
I have never liked crowds and I'm starting to understand that it is due to the vibes I get from all the random, anonymous fucks out there. It's like I look at some fat fuck or ugly sonofabitch, or some goofy bastard, and I "see" a glimps of their lives. It's like I am watching a movie and these two-dimensional characters are bad actors trying to amuse me by playing stereotypes. Then i see that they have every reason to look at me and feel the same way because of how I look or that I am visibly, socially uncomfortable.
Combine this with she sounds of the carnival, the smell of grilled onions, the vibrations of the rides and the visuals from every booth, ride, vendor...
So I trip out and feel most uncomfortable and remember why I can't take acid because the few times I did, I was so overwhelmed by reality that fantasy didn't have a chance to take hold.
There's something wrong with me.