1. You visit your grandparents and get bored. You go to the bathroom to masturbate, and end up talking to your grandmother through the door while doing it.
2. You are in a public restroom and are masturbating, but somebody else walks in. You continue beating it, but try to do it quietly so he won't hear you.
3. Your friend leaves the room to get something to eat. You get bored and start jacking off, but he walks in just as you cum.
4. Your parents find you masturbating and you start quoting the first sitcom that comes to mind.
5. Your best friend is masturbating into your toilet. You know it, and he knows you know it, but neither of you mention it.
6. You crack a joke and the nearest person cums.
7. Your son finds you masterbating and you tell him that you are a ghost so he'll run away screaming when he sees the spooky ectoplasm.
8. You aren't jacking off, but everyone is convinced you are.
9. You take a shower just because you want to be fresh for the off-chance that you'll get laid.
10. You've read a blog that mentions masturbation more than eight times.
11. You accidentally cum all over the power outlet of your computer causing the lights in some parts of your house to go out.
12. You are surfing through free internet porn but can't keep a hard on because, at the same time, you are worried about getting viruses on your computer.
13. You've masturbated so much that your little soldier appears to have suffered tissue death.
14. You accidentally cum while looking at your least favorite part of a porno.
15. You look at a LOL cat and realize that you haven't fed your own cat in days.
16. You expect to read a sentence about jacking off and find some other reference instead.
17. You try as hard as you can not to get jizz on your hand while you finish jerking it and end up spending an extra three minutes washing your hands anyways.
18. Water doesn't lubricate as well as you thought it would and you end up with an open sore on your dick.
19. You are jacking off furiously and get caught in the heat of the moment, so you forget to catch your jizz with something and get it all over yourself and/or the floor.
20. You masturbate and the climax isn't satisfying at all, so you end up wasting another ten minutes trying to get a second orgasm, which also isn't very good