The wild single life isn't working out for troll-wife like she expected it to. She can't stand to see me happy when she's not. I'm happy with who I'm dating, she's not. I've got a great relationship with my children, she doesn't. I have the resources to pay my legal fees (due to an awesome lawyer who'll work for flat rate instead of hourly billing), and she is just now discovering that she doesn't.
I have some friends in town to play in the World Series of Poker. Troll-wife actually watched the kids over the weekend (when it was convenient for her to do so). I was playing in a satellite tourney while they were in the main event.
Since we had no money, I paid for the second half of a root canal with the credit card I got for legal expenses. I withdrew the $220 from our bank account the next day when we got paid to make up for it and used the money for an entry in the tourney. Troll-wife took exception. Here's a transcript of the text communication we had between me playing hands.
Me: Paid for my tooth with my CC. Took money out to cover it.
Troll-wife: Why would u take money out of the account if u used the credit card?????The mortgage has to be paid out of our balance, also the car payment. If you are going to make large purchases u need to discuss with me first.
Me: I had to use CC for tooth because there wasn't enough in account. I had to do it. Why don't you have to discuss your large clothing purchases and spa visits with me before you do them? Why use so much punctuation?????
discussed it with you two weeks ago
Troll-wife: It's fine if you used the credit card, the way you said it sounded like you took money out if the checking account. Did you?
Troll-wife: Why? How much?
Me: Why wouldn't I? $220
**At this point, she called me on the phone. I don't want to leave the table as the blinds are getting high and it's rude to talk on the phone and interrupt play** Me: Can't talk on phone
Troll-wife: Because I asked you to put the whole thing on the credit card since I put brakes and tires on MY credit card. You agreed to do that and now you didn't hold up your end of the agreement. You said you were going to get your dad to help u with it
Me: That's not what I agreed to. I'm still waiting for my spray tans, chandelier lounge, and massive wardrobe augmentation.
Troll-wife: That's exactly what you agreed to but I guess u were too high to remember to be a man.
Me: Ooh. That really hurts. Your opinion of me is valueless. I haven't smoked in three months, asshole. You denegrated me for taking naps because I was stoned? I take naps because I average less than five hours of sleep a night, asshole. I agreed to leave the first $220 on my card only, asshole. Let's add up how much more you spend than I, but this time let's start in January.
Troll-wife: Wow, off pot for 3 months. You are my hero
Me: Your opinion is valueless. Just shut the fuck up and watch my kids for once.
Troll-wife: Goodbye. Done talking
Me: Suits me fine. I want discretionary money divided between us. I want twice as much as you until I'm caught up with your insane spending. We can print out statements and figure out how much that is together, if not I'll do it alone and sue you for the amount I come up with on the divorce. I want you to clean the cat boxes. I want one in your room and I want both the cats in there when nobody's home.
Troll-wife (not really done talking):Oh, now I understand......$200 for gambling, not your tooth.
Me: No I'm getting my pussy waxed, a spray tan, and my nails done. It was for my tooth. I used the credit card for tonight, if it makes you feel better. That you can puff your chest out about perceived bogus spending after your rock star phase shows incredible chutzpah.
Troll-wife: A lifetime ago would have believed your bullshit
Me: I'm not the liar. Coming from the Queen of Empty Promises and Breaker of Vows, that doesn't hurt. STFU and watch my kids for once. Clean the cat boxes.
Troll-wife: You don't like the cat boxes??? MOVE THE FUCK OUT! Be a fucking man and take care of your own shit **keep in mind, that when she suggests I take care of my own shit, she hasn't washed a dish or done her children's laundry in six months, she hasn't cooked them a meal that wasn't an Eggo or frozen pizza in six months, she's read a bedtime story and tucked her son into bed twice in the last three months, and her cats are pissing all over the house because she hasn't cared for them in months either**
Me: Pay me child support and alimony and I'm outta there. Why should I leave? You're the one that sucks. What shit do you think I'm not taking care of? You're a fucking non-entity around the house. You take care of nothing. I swear to God I'll put the cats and their box in your room. I'm tired of their piss all over everything and my son's mouth. I'm done feeding them for you too. Take care of your own shit. **one of her cats had pissed in a box of freezer pops, my son froze them, thinking the liquid was a freezer pop that had broken open and leaked, and then ate one, getting a mouthful of cat piss from the outside of the pop**
Troll-wife: Why should you leave? Because you can't afford the mortgage dumbass! I'm doing you a favor, keeping a foreclosure off your record **the thing is, she can't afford the mortgage either. She still doesn't understand that she's going to owe child support and possibly alimony and it's going to be impossible for her to get a rate reduction like she wants**
Me: Yea, thanks for all the favors you've done for me in the last six months. I get a fucking lump in my throat when I think of all the consideration and charity I've gotten from you lately. You still don't understand this whole "community property" thing do you? Seriously, do I text bullshit to you all night when you're out with your vacuous douchebags? You're a real class act.
At this point, she stopped texting me. I got ass raped in the tournement throughout this exchange. Oh well.