Twilight is for retards

I hereby make it official. Anyone who is obsessed with Twilight is a retard. It is targeted for lovesick, fat preteen/teenager girls who have low-self esteem.


The whole movie is ridiculous. There are so many problems with it that it makes seeing anything good with the series (and youd have to look hard) impossible.


First of all, people are OBSESSED with this series- and I mean to the point of stalking. From It was just a matter of time before the crazies started coming out of the woodwork. What with the prepubescent fans that showed up in the thousands at the movie premiere begging Pattinson (Edward) to bite them or have his babies. Nom nom nom.




Look at all the crazy ass girls. All of them are wanna-be gothic, pseudo intellectuals and what was it? Glasses day? Besides, look at Edward *cough* Pattinson *cough*. Not only does he show up looking like shit but also a complete douchebag. It must take a lot of work to look that shitty. It looks like hes balding.



Second, Ms. Meyer cant write worth a damn. The only thing she knows how to do is make young girls fall in love with a stereotypically desirable man. Ooo, dark and dangerouswe havent seen that before. Though it seems impossible, the movie was actually shittier than the book. *enter random baseball scene here*

Before watching the movie, I was seriously concerned. Would this movie rot my brain? Would I turn into a Twilight zombie? I decided to brave it. After all, I wanted to know what the craze was all about. The movie was everything I thought it would be and less. I knew it would be stupid and I knew it would be mindless, I guess I just underestimated it. Everything was thrown together and written without clause or depth. There was ZERO character development. Great writers have great character development. There was ZERO. The characters in Twilight were one dimensional and boring.

Also, a third of the movie consisted of them staring at each other. Like this:


I wish I was joking. Take out the compulsive staring and you just shortened the movie to a half hour. It wasnt a horror movie. It wasnt a dramatic movie. It was boring, predictable, and stupid. I cant believe it got as much praise as it did but thats what happens when thousands of cookie cutter obsessive teens latch themselves onto a book, daydreaming of a life outside of their mediocre pathetic existence.


Third, all Bella (the main character) does is bitch and moan. Theres not a chapter when shes not whining. BTW, Bella is such a fucking stupid name? It means pretty. How original. Anyway, I was thankful that the movie didnt include that much whining. Why the perfect vampire would want a bitchy woman is beyond me.


Anyway, I have developed a way to get people to like Twilight more. This is a foolproof way that most men would love the series and how it could equal out the amount of obsessive woman. This is my plotline. Ready?

The bad vampire, Victoria, wants to exact revenge on Bella for the death of her vampire partner. She attacks Bella in a pit of mud. A fight breaks out and shirts come off. Victoria pins Bella down and bites her. Bella becomes Victorias lesbian love slave. Ill leave the rest to a sequel.

To conclude, dont waste your time on this movie. Also, await my re-write called Twatlight. Coming soon...

Uploaded 04/28/2009
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