fuckin squirrels

Fact 1: Squirrels deliberately try to make drivers crash their vehicles by suddenly running across the street. Most people slam on the breaks and/or swerve their car erratically in such scenarios. It's a natural reaction and Squirrels know and exploit this, especially on wet or frozen roads. Other people just prefer to run right over them. Ask yourself the following questions: 'Is avoiding a squirrel who is running across the highway worth swerving to avoid and in the process dying in a fireball explosion as my car skids off the pavement and plummets into a 2000 foot deep chasm of doom?' Is a squirrel's life worth slamming on the brakes on an icy road, sliding out of control and violently hitting a telephone pole causing me to get ejected from my car and then sailing headfirst into a random pool of acid, rendering me, well, dead to be quite frank with myself?' I don't think so! Ask yourself, the next time you get behind the wheel of your car, 'Is avoiding a lowly squirrel worth jerking my steering wheel in a spastic manner, causing my vehicle to careen onto a railroad track resulting in a head-on collision with a freight train, somehow travelling at a rate of 200 miles per hour, my vehicle folding around me, violently pulverized me into a sickening cloud of red mist and chunks of flesh and bone fragments?' This isn't rocket science, folks. The bottom line: Don't risk your life to avoid a squirrel that doesn't belong on any street or highway to begin with! (Unless it's dead of course.)




Fact 2: Humans are not exclusively targeted as objects of domination by the squirrels. The squirrels are also plotting to take over the ducks and other water fowl of the world as well. Why, nobody knows just yet. We at N.A.D.S speculate that the squirrels wish to have control of the lakes and ponds of the world for whatever reasons.



Fact 3: Not all squirrels are evil! There are actually rebels that are against the world domination of squirrels. There are not too many of them around and they are very secretive. Rebel squirrels face torture and/or death if caught. Below is a picture of a rebel squirrel. Notice the worried expression on his face? The cause for worry is rebel squirrels are considered traitors, their acts treason. All rebel squirrels are marked for death and are therefore constantly paranoid and worried.

Uploaded 07/14/2008
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