pumpkin pie milkshake
got up today round one or two or some shit like that and me and the fam went to target. fuckin crazy. i TRY to be calm while driving, my wife on the other hand turns into a raving slobbering maniac whenever she gets behind the wheel. "I'll just pull out in front of the motherfucker and if that motherfucker dont stop, i'll just jump out and beat his motherfucking ass!" god i love her! so we get to target and look around a bit. i show her what i wanted for christmas and we leave cuz now i am starting to act crazy. "fuckin stupid people everywhere" i say and i'm a pretty loud person. the kids are laughing their asses off. my wife says that she's hungry and the kids do too, so we see Jack in the box is close. we pull up and i see they have egg nog and pumpkin pie shakes. i wasn't hungry so i just got the pumpkin pie shake. it was good! i finnished the thing off and waited for my kids the rest of their food. GURRRGLE. whoa. pressure against my poop schute. i relaxed and no sound came out, but a meaty and heavy smell wafted up. "ok, we gotta go. are y'all done or what?" the whole time back to the house i was droppin bunker busting butt beefs that more than likely destroyed the passanger side upolstery. my wife and kids looked like they had taken the biggest bong hit in history: eyes bloodshot, tears running, cheeks puffed out like chipmunks. even with the windows down. then the air ran out and all i was left with was the solid mass that had been awakened by the milkshake. my ass cheeks clenched together like a new fish in prision, we finally pull into our drive. i shuffle-run back to our bathroom just in time. the ammount of matter that shot from me.......damn.....i didn't know i could hold that much! three flushes it took! and i hadn't even wipped yet! so, ladies, if your ever feeling backed up around this time of year, got to a jack in the box and order a pumpkin pie shake, and watch the magic happen!