Well, I decided to take a few looks into conspiracies. According to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin's grandpa, Barrack Obama is not the first black president. Nope, it turns out he is the third, following a few you might have heard of. Yep, its true. John F. Kennedy and Abraham Lincoln were both black.

I'll tell you the story.

Well, back in the day, Abe Lincoln was black. True story, according to this guy. He used to hang out with Nostradamus and the Mayan Calendar writers all day long, kicking back and enjoying some cake and bacon. After consuming large amounts of said cake and bacon, ol' Abe decided he wanted to run for president. In a series of Rocky-like training montages, he honed his skills. After performing badly at his first couple rallys, and with some support from Rasputin, he decided he would have to transform into a white man. He tried drinking bleach, but that didn't work. He decided he would have to undergo a Michael Jackson-esque method of turning colors. Yes, he opted for plastic surgery. However, this was back in the days of the civil war, and instead of turning white, he ended up having several raccoon fetuses grafted onto his chest.

He felt incredibly guilty about the raccoons, and in between his plot to destroy the world trade center, he hired John Wilkes Booth to serenade him in his private box at some play. However, ol' Johnny was deaf in one ear, so thought he was being told to shoot Abe. The rest is history.

It was quite some time before the next black president came around. But this one was much more well known. You see, JFK also underwent Michael Jackson-esque surgery. However, as a side effect, an incredibly annoying boston accent was also thrown in to cover up his native portuguese tongue. While searching for Lincoln's legendary stash of corn flakes in the white house, he actually came upon the mummified remains of the raccoon fetus grafted onto lincoln!

The raccoon fetus spoke to him, and told him of Lincoln and Nostradamus' plot to destroy the World Trade Center. That was the same time that Kennedy found the Magical President's Book of Secrets, where he learned how to travel through time and put his soul into Barrack Obama. Kennedy had met ol' Barrack when they were all hanging out at Bill Ayres house torturing 8 year old vietnamese prostitutes. Anyway, Kennedy then decided he would plot to destroy all of these things in the future using his time traveling soul. First he started with the Challenger, then had sex with the devil to create Britney spears, and finally planted all the bombs at the World Trade Center.

And that, according to my friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin's grandpa, is the real meaning of Christmas.