All About Me, In Case You Wanted to Know
I'm not going to attempt to be funny here or anything; these are only going to be my thoughts.
I am fucking sick of everything. I'm trying to enter the workforce and it is driving me mad. Today, I went to an interview to be a manager at a local fitness center; it would be a great job, but I doubt I'll land it. Additionally, I've applied at roughly fifty places lately. This is a horrible area and time to find a job. Fuck this! I don't want a bunch of DVDs, an XBox360, a HD-TV, or a new car! Dude, I've been living without that stuff with no problem forever.
Really, I know that I'm unoriginal and stupid for saying this, but I want something else... I don't want to live my early life working for Fred Meyer while eating macaroni and cheese, in hopes of advancing to a slightly better job where I can afford to eat out at shitty restaurants almost every night. In fact, I don't want anything of that nature. It's not the fact that I was raised in the 90's that makes me not want to wear a suit, it's just the reality that I cannot be happy with anything ordinary. My happiest moments have been those that normal people would consider miserable.
As a kid, I wanted to be in the military, because of my Army parents. Later, I realized that the reason I have always desired this was due to the fact that I craved adventure; still naive, I then decided to be an adventurer. Sadly, being an adventurer is ridiculously hard to achieve nowadays. There's very little left to explore. Thus, I reverted to wishing to be an "Army type".
Then that day finally came, and I raised my right hand and enlisted in the Marine Corps. Surely, this was the job that I was looking for. And I waited and waited... Still, I have yet to do anything. Now really, I don't want to go fuck anyone up, I don't want to get fucked up myself; I just want to experience what I joined for. The longer I languish, the more I feel like (as over-used and trite this is) a stallion used to pull a milk cart. What was the point of my previous years in service? It's not like I haven't been in long enough.
I really wish (for my own personal, selfish reasons) that I had a real fight to make my own. I wish there were Nazis or Communists or hippies to be fought. I wish there was a just some conflict that I could take to. For some reason, from day one, I just felt like this was my key to survival. Laugh at me or whatever, it makes no difference to me.
I'm young and stupid, but discomfort has been a way of life for me. Absolute discomfort makes you seriously realize how lucky you are, and helps appreciate the things you have previously enjoyed. I desire discomfort, and I desire stress, and I desire unhappiness if it is in the name of something worthwile. I want to fight for something that is sacred to myself.
Well, fuck it; I've been half crazy, am half drunk, and seriously depressed. I just want to do that which I feel will mean something to me.
Now make fun of me... I know you will.