ADVENTURES AT THE B( . )( . )BY BAR
last night was one of the few nights ive had off in awhile. so obviously i was determined to make it count and do something really cool. the ladyfriend and i tossed it around for awhile and decided to go to the titty bar. now something you have to understand about her is that she has an unnatural love for naked women. its what i love about her. a few well timed drinks in her and she gets locked into a perpetual game of drunken grab ass with whatever girl has on the shortest skirt/ biggest boobies combo.
so now, with the night ahead planned we set our plan into motion. this had the makings of a fantastic evening. we were headed to a place that combined mans 2 favorite things in this world, titties and beer.now heres where the night took a twist for the worse. the little lady got it in her mind somehow that it would be a good idea to invite my daughters mom to come with us as shes recently decided that she wants to be friends with her. now its not that shes not a nice girl... no, scratch that, shes a crazy psycho bitch from hell, but whatever. noone was gonna stand in between me and my 'ladies of the pole'.
so we pick up the psycho and off we go. the night started reasonably well as i kept the pitchers and the lapdances flowing for the girls and then it happens. my cousin shows up. my female cousin who just moved from tennessee. ok, its now gotten a little awkward but fuck it, noones gona ruin my night. so the beer keeps flowing and the next thing you know the ex and my cousin are taking body shots off each other. now its gotten really weird, too weird. now dont get me wrong, sindicate knows how to party and normally the idea of 2 chicks licking alcohol off each others dirty parts would only serve to liven the party but come on, even i have limits to my depravity.
so off i go on my way to the bar to get myself another pitcher and on the way there, a smokin hot dancer stops me to talk. now she was hot, 5'7, long black hair, big boobs, thin tanned body with a few well placed tattoos. but as hot as she was i was way too weirded out at this point. she politely asked me if i wanted a dance and with as serious a look i could muster, i placed a hand on her shoulder and said " sorry, im a lesbian". then quickly walked off. as i walked away i looked back at her and the look of confusion on her face alone made me perk up a little.
the rest of the evening continued with all 3 girls getting beligerently drunk and when we got back home, my girlfriend drunkenly declared ill never be as hot as christian slater and demanded i sleep on the couch. normally i wouldve told her kiss my pasty white ( yet perky and well defined) ass but last time she got this drunk, she threw up all over my back while i was sleeping. so undoubtedly it was my pleasure to crash on the couch. so 200, a minor hangover, and a sense of bewilderment that someone actually still has a crush on christian slater later, here i sit bitter as hell wishing just had a guys night instead. fuck my life, fuck it right in its stupid ass