I, like many Americans, like to make money. So after seeing TV shows, movies, and commercials, and mixing with my own brilliant, twisted sense of humor, I've been able to come up with a few ideas to pitch to various companies:

I was at Walmart shopping for some kitchen supplies for my new apartment when I noticed a brand of pots/pans called Farberware. Picture the scene: A low-lit prison cell. One side is a glass wall, and you can see several graphite drawings of different pots and pans, and other kitchen utensils. Maybe a spatula. Yea, spatulas are cool.

When suddenly we notice an old man hunched in the corner. He looks at the camera, double takes, and then walks up to the glass wall.

"Oh, I have a visitor," the man says to the camera. He peers closer. "Are you hear to test me? A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver, after I cooked it in my Farberware...."

A title card cuts across the screen. The caption reads:

Farberware. Good enough to cook a man's liver on.

I haven't gotten a response back from the company.