This is just a vent blog need to get a lot of shit off my shoulders. Don't really care for comments or not. Sorry if it's not grammer correct, I'm a bit tipsy on Johnny Walker.

You're finally dead and I should feel relieved, but somehow I don't. Even though you dragged me down hells path and back I still can't grasp the fact you're 6 feet under. You were supposed to be there to take care of me and calm me. You did the oppisite and left scars on my body. No more calls, no more windows being shattered, no more fist fights and time behind bars. You're gone for good and I still have trouble truely believing it.

You're the asshole that leads me on you're the asshole that talks to me when you have spare time I'm your last resort. Shit you say that I have no idea how much you truely care then fucking show me asshole because so far your line of girls chatting it up with me isn't helping your statement. I have no idea why I put up with your shit why I respect you or why I give a shit, but I do and that's all it is I can't change I can only drag myself away. My turn to ingore my turn to say fuck you my turn to give the cold shoulder and wish like fuck I hadn't met you. You and her are quite alike whether you know it or not you both torment me, she's fucking perfect and I've got the flaws you don't give a fuck about my life yet I give a damn about yours what the fuck is wrong with this picture?

I ask myself questions each day like "Well asshole you woke up, what are you doing today?" I get the shit beat out of me each and everyday I work two jobs one is a dog trainer, the other a punching bag for anyone that needs to take off steam. Even though I don't need to I'd go insane if I didn't stay busy and fuck my life college is a bitch I hate it so much but in order to do the job I love I need to pull through and graduate with the fucking piece of paper that says "Look here I'm smart enough hire me because I got through 6 fucking years of extra school."

There are times when I am all alone sitting with my guitar or on my piano staring into a blank sense of mind. Bottle of scotch on my right untouched pack of cigarettes to my left. I quit 2 years ago just incase your curious. I'm a person who moves through life like it's a routine I've changed the routine tried to find happiness and it just doesn't seem to be working out so I'm saying fuck it and shutting up maybe I should join you 6 feet under or maybe I should become the asshole you are ingore the people you don't want to hear shut them out and crush them into tiny fucking pieces. But, I don't. I realieze I can be more than you and I want to be but I need to find then kink in the routine to make it exciting and till then I'll do what I am doing now and slip into madness and get shitfaced with my dog.

Maybe it's the beer who the fuck knows but I feel better don't you?

-H