Schadenfreude/ thoughts I had while driving today
Warning: if at any time while reading this you ask yourself 'does he really think that?' you are in the wrong place
Every day I see somone with a baby in a stroller and they're sprinting down the street pushing it. I can't help but think it would be fun if they hit a bump in the sidewalk and the baby went flying out of the stroller head first and splattered all over an oncoming volvo station wagon.
Sometimes I'll see a group of about six people walking on the sidwalk while I'm driving down an empty street and I think 'hmm..'. I'd just have to turn 30 degrees to the right to mow down the whole crowd. Today I'm nobody but I could be in the paper tomarrow. I could just floor it and go right through them, get the wipers going, make an evening out of it.
Same thing with thes bike riding clowns and we have a lot of these where I am. They get thier own lane even. They make signals at me like they're a real driver. They want to tell me where they're going? What do I have all this horse power for? So I can obey some dickhead in cut off shorts? I'll tell him where he's going, he's going sixty feet up in the air is where he's going.
Sometimes I'll be in the bakery and I wonder if I reached over the counter and just started smashing cakes, how long would it take anyone to stop me? I bet I could get most of them, these places don't have security or anything. Just the look the guy might give me would be worth it.
When I'm watching someone eat soup sometimes I just want to grab the back of thier head and shove thier face in the soup. Not long enough so they're unconscious, just enough so the bubbles start coming fast and I can feel them struggle. It'd be so much fun.
Most of all I want to see Justin Bieber get that one chin hair he has caught on the front wheel of his bike as it rolls downhill until it pulls his head clean off and then continues to bang off the asphault as it rolls, shooting blood out of his severed head like a Turkey Baster.