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Scientist find traces of liquid water!

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In a recent discovery, scientists on Earth found traces of liquid water on the surface of Canada. However, they said there's not enough to support intelligent life.

"What this means is there's a possibility -but by all means no certainty- that life may exist there, let alone intelligent life." says Dr. Hans N. Ciddaya.  "In all likelihood, there is no chance of intelligent life, although we have found evidence that some form of primitive life may exist in the Southern regions where the temperatures reach a relatively balmy, minus 30 Celsius."

Such evidence of life comes from dark, sticky secretions of the white, icy surface resembling tree sap.  Initial testing revealed high levels of fructose, the sweet substance found in syrup.

Other teams discovered a narrow path deep beneath the ice core.  It was the only such path found on the surface, and appears to only run in one direction, indicating if it was created by some sort of lifeforms, these creatures would be somewhat simple and unaware of any outside occurrences.

Several of the researchers have found tale-tale signs of simple life around frozen lakes where markings on the ice appear to indicate skirmishes, with pieces of the mineral dentin -the hard substance in teeth- littering the lake.  If the dentin turns out to be organic in origin, the most prominent theory suggests that the lakes were used as some sort of fighting ground among creatures that apparently regrow teeth like that of a shark, or maybe prefer to look like toothless hicks as some sort of status symbol among the tribes.

In the eastern regions, one team of explorers claim to have found proteins that they theorize may have been the source of all homosexual life on Earth, a discovery that if proven true, would completely rewrite the current belief that gay life originated in France.

For the latest information and breaking news on the exploration of Canada, tune into NHL highlights each week on ESPN.

RJM Uploaded 08/19/2010
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