There are two sides to a black penny. Both are black and no matter how it is presented, it remains a black penny. Dirty, worthless, unwanted, disregarded and forgettable. Most lives are like that in the scope of time and history. They arrive, live and die and after a few generations their existence is as valuable as a black penny.

I have lost all my grandparents, both my parents, two sisters, many aunts and uncles, brothers in laws etc. Over time their memories will all become as valuable as a dirty penny buried deep in the ground.

I have on occasion mentioned my little brother Raymond, who eventually by the age of eighteen was diagnosed a schizophrenic. He got himself into some crazy situations, to which I tried to protect him or restrain him. Many nights I can recall before he was diagnosed with  schizophrenia, I would literally wrap my arms and legs around him for hours to restrain him from smashing himself against hard substances. One time after such an incident, I purchased a rope in the hopes of tying him up when he lost it. Fortunately, I never used it. My friends suggested I should just knock him out with a blow to the head. I could not.

Soon after he got himself into trouble at a local high school, he was charged with aggravated assault. Eventually he was diagnosed and treated. The treatments made my life and his a living hell. He would convulse with his head pushing backwards until it forced him to the ground in total agony. I tried to help him one day at the end of the driveway, he literally twisted back like a shrimp smashing his head on the pavement.

I was trying to wright him, put him straight, I felt as if I was fighting the Devil. I eventually got him under control and comfortable. After some time in the hospital it was concluded his medication of Haldol, (pronounced helldoll) was not the medication for him. No shit! And what's with the name?

My adopted brother Raymond was born from my older sister Lise. She felt sorry for a man in our home town who was socially ignored and taunted. She had sex with him, got pregnant and gave birth to Raymond, about 4 months after I was born. Raymond was born on December 25th 1962. My parents adopted him and now we are brothers.

Lise, my sister was angelic, and always had a contagious positive attitude, no matter what challenged her, she would jump to the challenge and conquer it. A true maverick!

She started her own typesetting business before the days of computers, eventually acquiring a printing business. She was one of two  founders of  Auto Trader. After many years of hard work she bought a house in Rosedale Toronto and was well on her way to becoming a millionaire.

Social and business life for her involved lots of alcohol. She felt her health was suffering and wanted to stop drinking. The doctors gave her a treatment that might cause an epileptic seizure, but assured her it was rare.

One early afternoon, Lise went to draw her bath, locked the bathroom door. She stepped into the bath and began to convulse. She slipped down hit her head and drowned. Her daughter heard the unusual noises. She was only eleven at the time. Her daughter tried to break down the door, but in the end could not.

Most peoples lives over time will dissolve into black pennies, but a few souls like Lise will shine for eternity.

She looked a lot like the girl in my avatar, probably why I chosed it.