In the style of You might be a redneck if jokes, heres a batch about caffeine:

You might be a caffeine addict if:

Your web page has the Mountain Dew color scheme.
You dont sweat, you percolate.
You have to drink some form of caffeinated beverage just to sleep.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You know from experience caffeine tablets dont dissolve in cola.
Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You get a speeding ticket even when youre parked
You can jump-start your car without cables.
You see nothing wrong with using water joe to make the coffee you use to take your no-doze.
You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
The dishes in your house are all coffee cups.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
You suck on a used coffee filter and grounds whenever the can runs out of coffee.
You have distilled Jolt Cola to make it more potent.
A cup of coffee before bed doesnt keep you from falling asleep anymore.
Youve worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug.
Youve ever used the airplanes call button just to get a coffee refill.
You dip espresso beans.
You slip into a coma if you drink decaf by accident.
Youve given up sex, TV, and all forms of meat for Lent before, but STILL cant make it 40 days without caffeine.
Your birthday is a national holiday in Colombia.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You go to the doctor because youre afraid there might be blood in your Mountain Dew stream.
You can name the five flavors of JOLT.
You need a caffeinated beverage after lunch to avoid being cranky all afternoon.
You believe that the coffee bean is a vegetable.
You have a website about caffeine.