Top Ten Redneck Movies
by Emily Neeland
Living in the city that never sleeps, where you can't see the stars in the sky and a pack of cigarettes costs more than a monthly subscription to Netflix, one tends to fantasize about a simpler life in the country. But as the following films will show you, life outside the big city can get pretty complicated as well. Next time you feel like escaping the cosmopolitan life, sit back and enjoy one the Top Ten Redneck Movies:
1. Roadhouse (1989)
When bar fights start gettin' a little too out of hand at the Double Deuce, the bar's owner brings in Dalton (Patrick Swayze), a professional bouncer with a heart of gold. But Dalton's badassery and blossoming romance with a hot doctor lady make him the target of Brad Wesley, the local crime boss. You can bet yer ass that Swayze will be sportin' shirts with the sleeves ripped off, leapin' from haylofts, throwin' bad guys from motorcycles, and spittin' out knee-slapping one liners in this action-packed masterpiece.
"Calling me sir is like putting an elevator in an outhouse. It don't belong."
2. Joe Dirt (2001)
Joe Dirt and his mullet are on a mission to track down the parents he was separated from at the Grand Canyon when he was 8 years old. His epic journey brings him to a radio show in Los Angeles where the host attempts to make a mockery of Joe's misadventures. Soon there is a wide audience of listeners hankerin' to hear his tales.
"Well, I was born without the top of my skull and I guess a little bit of my brains was showin' and it was grossin' everybody out so my mom put this wig on me to cover it up and then the bones grew together and it got all infused and entwined. I mean I don't mean to get all scientific with you..."
3. Deliverance (1972)
Four good ole boys from Atlanta take a canoe trip into the back country of Georgia. Along the way these city-slickers encounter hostile locals, an inbred banjo prodigy, and deranged moonshiners. Bodies pile up as the crew makes their way down the river and they have some explainin' to do to the local authorities.
"I bet you can squeal like a pig. Weeeeeeee!"
4. Sling Blade (1996)
Karl Childers is a free man after spendin' 20 years in the looney bin for murdering his mama and her lover. Despite his dark past and mental disabilities, Karl is fixin' to make a new life for himself in a small town. He's got everything a man could need: a job workin' on motors, a sassy gay sidekick, a juvenile companion named Frank, and french fried taters. What could go wrong? Doyle Hargraves, that's what! Doyle is Frank's mother's abusive boyfriend who don't take too kindly to no 'cocksuckers' or 'retards' telling him what to do. Karl is forced to take matters, like a sling blade, into his own hands.
"I don't reckon you have to go with women to be a good daddy to a boy. You been real square-dealin' with me. The Bible says two men ought not lay together. But I don't reckon the Good Lord would send anybody like you to Hades."
5. Porky's (1982)
In this classic sex romp comedy set in 1950's Florida, a group of high school buddies make a plan to lose their virginities together, which is totally not gross at all. They take a trip out to Porky's, a raunchy strip joint/brothel tucked deep in the everglades. After they get tossed out and humiliated, the boys become hellbent on settlin' the score with Porky and his sheriff brother.
"I was jus' givin' the place an enema and this pile uh shit floated to the surface."
6. Raising Arizona (1987)
Nicolas Cage stars in this zany Coen Brothers film about an infertile couple fixin' to start a family. H.I. McDunnough is an ex-con who successfully wooed Edwina, a police officer, into holy matrimony. When the McDunnoughs steal a baby from a set of quintuplets that belong to wealthy furniture magnate Nathan Arizona, all hell breaks loose.
"And this here's the TV. Two hours a day, either educational or football, so you don't ruin your appreciation of the finer things."
7. Every Which Way But Loose (1978)
Things is goin' pretty good for kickass trucker/prize-fighter Philo Beddoe. He's got two best buddies- his fight promoter Orville, and his orangutan Clyde that he won in a bet. Suddenly, Philo's world is turned upside down when he falls in love with a purdy little country singer who tries to rebuff his advances.
"I'm not afraid of any man, but when it comes to sharing my feelings with a woman, my stomach turns to royal gelatin."
8. Smokey and the Bandit (1977)
After acceptin' a challenge to break the law and drive a tractor trailer full of beer from Texas to Georgia, Bandit and Cledus find themselves on a wild adventure. The Bandit drives a souped-up Trans Am as a decoy car to distract the authorities from the illegal cargo Cledus has in the truck. The trip is goin' real smooth until they pick up a runaway bride they see hitchhikin' along the way. The groom she left at the altar, and his Sheriff daddy, are hot on their trail. Yeeehaw!
"Nobody, and I mean NOBODY makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum's pecker."
9. The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)
In Hazzard County, a family of daredevil moonshiners get evicted from their farm by noted villain Boss Hogg. With the help of Jessica Simpson's assets, and the infamous General Lee, Bo and Luke Duke are on a mission to save the family farm from bein' turned into a coal mine.
"What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion? A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye."
10. All of the 'Ernest' Movies
Between the years of 1987 and 1998, America enjoyed a golden age of cinema wherein we were treated to a collection of films known as 'The Ernest Movies'. The character of Ernest P. Worrell sprung forth from the loins of a Nashville advertising agency in 1980 for use in television ad campaigns. After he captured the hearts of a nation, Hollywood came calling. Through his rubberfaced misadventures on the big screen Ernest learned a great deal about the world around him, and in the process taught us a lot about ourselves.
"I am poultry in motion."
"A real soldier wouldn't leave those people. And ironically, neither would I."
"There's nothing in that tree for me."
This article was published by Private Island Entertainment LLC.