So, yesterday I posted a very short story about something goofy my undereducated mother said when I was 16. I got some pretty decent feedback and decided I'll do a few more for you guys. This one is much more recent.

     Valentine's Day this year, after my mom made fun of me for over an hour about not having a boyfriend, I convinced her to come out to the bar and have some drinks with me to make up for it. She NEVER comes out so I was pretty thrilled. She's a lot of fun when she's drunk! So, we're at Bobalouie's having beers and two of her coworkers from Cracker Barrel, where she waitresses, randomly showed up. They were these two black guys I'd never met.

Mom: "Oh, hey! Let me introduce you to my coworkers! Dezmond and Dierre, come meet my daughter!." Dezmond: "We love your mom! She keeps us pretty entertained at work."

Mom: "So, this is Dezmond and he is Dierre. They're 'brothers'." She motions quotation marks with her hands as she says "brothers".

 At this point, Dezmond and Dierre give each other confused looks.

Me: "Mom, why did you put the word 'brothers' in quotation marks?"

Mom: "Well, you know, they're not really brothers."

Dierre: "What are you talking about? We really are... Same mom, same dad..."

Mom: "You're fucking KIDDING!"

Dezmond: "Eileen, why would we have told you we were brothers if we weren't?"

Mom: "Well I thought that's just something black people say."

     Fortunately, they know my mom well enough to realize she really didn't mean it maliciously. She's really just that dense. Way to go mom, you're an accidental racist! She is the only person I know that gets away with this shit. Lesson of the day: If you want to avoid a confrontation, pretend you're a moron.