The REAL Reasons I'm Not Voting for McCain
(I first must make it known that I did not write this. A friend of mine did, and I found it to be hysterical. She did find out about the "rainbow lady" from me, though.)
*disclaimer: If you do not have a sense of humor, have misplaced your sense of humor, are so consumed by politics that the simple idea of someone disagreeing with you sends you into a tizzy, have forgotten how to laugh, or are curmudgeonly in any way, please refrain from reading this...Thank you.*
The REAL top 10 Reasons why I can’t vote for McCain.
10. McCain fully supports the reuniting of N*SNYC, the Backstreet Boys, Kris Kross, New Kids on the Block, Hansen and other boy bands. He has stated that any group that includes two or more males who sing in unison at least 50% of the time has Republican support. This is not good for our country, or our foreign policy.
9. He shot a lawyer in the face. I'm a lawyer. That makes me sad. The fact that I'm a lawyer does not make me sad (usually). The fact that he shot a lawyer in the face does. What could he possibly have against a lawyer? Ehem. I have just been informed that this was actually Cheney that did this. Nonetheless, I heard from my hair dresser's sister that McCain doesn't like lawyers.
8. I always mix him up with Cheney.
7. Old people make me very uncomfortable.
6. He is from Arizona and intends to be sure the entire U.S.'s weather mirrors that of his home state. Have you ever been to Arizona? It's hot.
5. In high school, he was a wrestler. Wrestling is a sport that makes me very uncomfortable.
4. His wife's name is Cindy Lou. Who. Ok not really Who. But that's what it reminds me of. And I don't think I can handle having a first lady with a name that reminds me of the Grinch Who Stole Christmas.
3. I read somewhere that he is the real slim shady.
2. He was behind the low to the ground rainbows governmental conspiracy. This lady can tell you all about it.
It is safe to say that I do not remember any rainbows that close to the ground twenty years ago either. I bet John McCain doesn't either. Because he is part of the vast government conspiracy to create low to the ground rainbows. And if they had existed twenty years ago, he'd be the one to remember them. Because he's old.
1. He's really super duper incredibly old. Like at least 50. Wait. My sources are telling me his actually 72 years old. I bet he wears cardigans like Mr. Rogers and possibly falls asleep mid sentence. What will happen to this country if we let the old people take it over?? I'll tell you: Boy bands, hot weather, men's wrestling, and low to the ground rainbows. That's what. Do you want this? I know I don't.
*If you did not bother to read this, and simply have commented on it based on (1) the tags, (2) the author's political view points regarding actual issues (and not old people and their rainbows), or (3) the title, and you proceed to make an attempt to have any kind of serious political discourse in the comments area, I will do one or both of the following things: (1) I will copy your post and make fun of it, most likely line by line in a very sarcastic manner and/or (2) I will encourage my friends to point and laugh at you, to laugh at my comments, and to encourage me to make more comments, as we all know my comments will be hilarious.*