Who Killed the Bunny?

   I awoke one morning to a puddle of blood in my bed.  I thought, "Holy shit I'm dying!  I flung the covers off and found a dead rabbit in my bed.  Its throat had been cut.  I had gone to sleep at 1:30AM while watching television.  I had not left the house since arriving home from work.  I have no pets and no one lives with me.  I could not figure out what was going on.    

I made a couple of phone calls.  I asked all of my prankster friends if they were F'ing with me.  They all swore up and down that they did not put the rabbit in my bed.  They could tell I was a little freaked out, so I think they were being honest with me.  All accept one...Charlie.  

At first, Charlie denied pulling the prank.  However, he couldn't quit commenting on how awesome the gag was.  I thought he was patting himself on the back for a job well done.  So I decided to get my revenge on Charlie.  I gathered up the dead rabbit in a Ziploc bag and put in the freezer.  I was biding my time.  

Life went on as normal.  I remained very friendly with Charlie.  We were in a tight knit circle of friends that did everything together.  As the years went by, each one of the friends either moved away or got married and started a family.  Charlie and I were the last two bachelors.  One night we were out and we met a girl at a bar.  She was beautiful.  We both liked her instantly.  We bought her a couple of drinks and talked withh her.  She was amazing.  She was funny, smart, and wonderful.  At one point, she left to go the restroom.  I told Charlie how wonderful I thought she was and he agreed.  Now the dilemma...what to do?  I still suspected Charlie of being a prick and pulling that joke on me long ago.  I decided it was time to move on.  I told Charlie I would make up an excuse and leave the bar so he could be alone with the girl.  With a look of shock, he thanked me.    

The next morning he called me.  He thanked me again for giving him the opportunity to be with the girl.  It turns out they talked all night and he was in love.  I congratulated him and wished him all the luck in the world.  It felt good to see him this happy.  I didn't see Charlie much over the next year.  After about a year, he calls me and announces he and the girl are getting married.  I congratulated him once again.  He asked me to be his best man.  I told him I would be honored.  The wedding was beautiful and I had a blast.  Shortly after Charlie calls me and says they are expecting their first child in a few months.  I congratulated him yet again.  I was so happy for him.  

Today was his daughters sixth birthday.  I went to the party with a smile and gift in hand.  When his daughter opened my gift, saw the decomposed, smelly, dead rabbit and started crying, I said "That's what you get for putting a dead rabbit in my bed you dick head!  I then left the house with a smile on my face.  I was so happy.

Uploaded 10/21/2009
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