10. Penguin Commandos The perfect accessory with which to restage the climactic events of Batman Returns, this duo of avian anarchists comes complete with Mind Control Gear and Firing Missiles. You'll need some gear for controlling your own mind before you want to play with this.

9. Talking Mario Ever wanted an angry looking Bob Hoskins doll who talks only in video game catchphrases? Here you go. The disturbing mental image you get when you touch the doll and it yells back, "Nobody touches my tools!"

8. Bob The Joker's Goon In Tim Burton's Batman, Bob was one of The Joker's many employees. The toy suggests that The Joker hired him because he was one of the few people in Gotham City who looked even weirder than he did.Worst Detail: The hair, which looks like somebody has chopped off Bob's ears and stuck half a hot dog bun onto each side of his face.

7. Swashbuckling Pan Spielberg! Pirates! Huge profits! That was probably the thinking behind Mattel's range of Hook action figures, but they were so excited they forgot to ask who was starring as Pan before creating the toys.Yes, that is meant to be Robin Williams.

6. Hairspray Dolls The Toy: Not even John Waters, director of the original Hairspray, managed to create anything quite as kitsch as these plus-size dolls, launched to coincide with the release of the 2007 remake. John Travolta, in drag, miniaturised but still chubby of cheek the stuff of nightmares.

5. Rad Repeatin' Tarzan The Toy: Disney's wholesome rep took a beating ahem when schoolkids spotted that the trajectory of this action figure's vigorous chest-thumping action made it look like Tarzan was masturbating. The accompanying 'jungle wail' sound effect, which gave the distinct impression that Tarzan was getting really into it.

3.The Game Of Jaws Remember the scene in Jaws where Scheider and Dreyfuss slice open a Great White to see what's inside? Imagine that crossed with classic board game Operation and you have this ridiculous 'fish stuff out of a shark's mouth before its jaws snap shut' premise.

2. Batman water piston Pump batmans trigger and he goes off - what else can I say

1.The Meat Easily the stupidest toy ever devised, as the manufacturers of the Rocky range decide it's time to release Mr Balboa's inanimate sparring partner as an actual action figure. The unswerving attention of detail means that there's a hook for the meat, which means that somebody has actually thought about this. For god's sake, why?