What do a 10 mg THC gummy, a taste of McDonald’s Sprite, and a nice, summer breeze all have in common? Beyond composing a pleasant Saturday afternoon, the above apparently all possess the power to send notably frail Senators Mitch McConnell and Dianne Feinstein directly to death’s door.
McConnell, 81, and Feinstein, 90 proved that there should absolutely be age caps for holding higher office this week after both lawmakers respectively endured embarrassing lapses before their Congressional colleagues and concerned constituents.
2 of the most powerful people in govt: pic.twitter.com/Xr5K4Xktrs— Caroline (@carolinekwan) July 26, 2023
Roughly one day after the Senate Minority Leader froze mid-press conference in what some have speculated was a small stroke, a seizure or one too many hits of the dab pen, the California Democrat appeared confused while attempting to cast her vote on the Defense Appropriations bill.
As these incidents broached broader questions on whether these elderly lawmakers still have the mental acuity to serve in some of our nation’s highest offices, the shitposters of Twitter took this speculation a step further, debating which everyday items could ship McConnell and Feinstein to a not-so-early grave.
First on their death list? A whole lot of capsaicin.
“One bag of Hot Cheetos will send both of them to kingdom come. I promise,” wrote @Drebae_.
One bag of Hot Cheetos will send both of them to kingdom come. I promise https://t.co/GyhNoOHWJD— Drebae (@Drebae_) July 27, 2023
“Make them go on Hot Ones,” joked @smhrbst.
But it’s not just spicy food that could end our elderly legislators.
“I could sneeze and they would turn into dust,” speculated @BasedBidoof.
“If we turn the AC off I'm sure they’d drop within the hour,” suggested @MIAxTHORNE.
We can only hope that these geriatric senators will someday retire, but who knows, maybe the prune juice in the Capitol building cafeteria is just that good.