The Germans. If you know anything about history, you’re probably well aware that they’re a wacky bunch. Their early 20th century was occupied by committing some of the most unspeakable horrors ever comprehended by humanity, while their modern day is dominated by tales of all-night techno raves and weird stories that nearly always involve nudity. Remember that naked dude who got his bag stolen by a hog? How could we forget!
Now, a TikToker has a warning for those thinking of visiting the country. In her words, “Do not fight German women.”
Guten beat up out here german women strong♬ original sound - Krys Tha Sis
For context, this TikToker is an American based in Germany. Her videos usually document the eccentricities of German culture, such as the fact that they believe that air conditioning is the devil and their unnecessarily harsh language. This video reveals another fun fact: “They got hands.”
It’s unclear what kind of brawl led to this incident, but the results are clear. The TikToker is missing a braid, and in general, she seems shaken by whatever went down. “There’s something in that salami or them hot dogs that make the women out here — they fierce,” she says. “Y’all, don’t mess with no German women.” In the caption, she adds, “Guten beat up out here.”
So what do you do if you’re in a fight with a German? It’s not a problem you can Duolingo your way out of. As the video above shows, saying “Fass mich nicht an” (German for “don’t touch me”), doesn’t really work.
Maybe the best advice is to avoid fights altogether. Or if you want a relaxing vacation, visit Spain, Portugal, Italy or one of Europe’s many other beautiful countries. At least those places have beaches — and you probably weren’t going to get into Berghain anyway.