If you follow international news at all, hey, good for you. But if you do, you’ve probably heard about the recent scandal involving French President Emmanuel Macron. No, it has nothing to do with him denying the winning party a government; instead, it’s about a video captured that appears to show his wife slapping him in the face.

A video shows Emmanuel Macron getting pushed in the face by his wife Brigitte as they arrived in Hanoi, Vietnam on Sunday.

Elysée sources say it was a light-hearted moment: “They were just goofing around before the trip began” pic.twitter.com/ZvtvGqbk1B

— euronews (@euronews) May 26, 2025

Now, we’re very serious people over here, so we thought that we could examine this video from every possible perspective to figure out what really happened. It’s the kind of investigation you’re not going to get anywhere else (we think; honestly, we haven’t checked). But without further ado, here are the most likely scenarios about what actually happened.

1) It’s A Sex Thing

Looking at Macron, you wouldn’t think of him as a sex freak. But while the man appears pretty milquetoast, it can’t be forgotten that he’s French, and as a 2014 Pew poll found, the Frenchies have a considerably more “open” idea of sexuality than us Americans.

So, this leaves us with a few options. First, the slap itself was a sexual act, and Macron promptly busted a nut after the hand hit his face. Second, the slap was a tease for a sexual act — you know, a casual little “here’s a taste of what’s to come.” Or, third, it’s part of a sexual role-play exercise that may still be ongoing. Add in the fact that Macron met his now-wife when he was 15 and she was 39, and the whole power-play angle makes a bit more sense!

2) It’s An Illuminati Thing

Ask anybody who truly believes in this shit about its core tenets, and they’ll happily tell you about how “humiliation rituals” are essential to the Illuminati maintaining its power.

Allegations of “humiliation rituals” pop up all the time in the most unlikely places, from MrBeast’s latest scandals to Volodymyr Zelenskyy being asked to say “thank you” in the Oval Office after just saying “thank you.”

Could it be that the Macron slap was part of a bigger plan to solidify his place in the Illuminati? We’ve seen such accusations before with the whole “black eye club” business. Then again, if Macron isn’t already part of the Illuminati, then who the hell *is* in the club?

3. It’s A Relationship Thing

Admittedly, this is the least fun option. It’s possible that the couple was simply fighting, and in a moment of European rage, the President’s wife slapped him across the face.

Would that be bad? Yes, of course. However, there’s just not a lot of evidence that their relationship is all that rocky. French tabloids love to speculate about this sort of thing, but the most that they can come up with is revealing the (admittedly pretty insane) details about the history of their age-gap relationship. They also falsely accuse Brigitte Macron of being born a man, so we don’t need to trust them with, well, anything, really.

4. It Was Just ‘Horsing Around’

According to the official government line on this, the couple were “horsing around.” The government says that they were just having a lighthearted moment, while Macron himself described what was going on as mere “bickering.”

So, what’s the truth here? Did Brigitte Macron feel the need to slap the yaked-out President? Or was this a normal relationship moment taken out of context?

You decide!