Reader, did you sit down to watch the 2017 finale of Mad Men and come away feeling like something was … missing? Perhaps the delicious aroma of (not-so) freshly sliced cold cuts? The spongy taste of bread that may or may not contain the yoga mat chemicals? A wiley band of large-eyed mammals incessantly screeching about how they like the moon … and mediocre sandwich chain-restaurant sandwiches?
Enter “Mad Men Returns” – the new, dramatic, and very fictional tale of how advertising guru Don Draper concluded his high-octane career with Quiznos’ notorious spongemonkey campaign.
In 2049, I plan to direct 78-year-old Jon Hamm in the two-hour TV special "Mad Men Returns" where Don Draper ends his advertising career in 2004 by pitching the Quiznos spongemonkeys ad pic.twitter.com/Ku2HYKnlZy— Ben Crew (@BenjaminCrew1) March 31, 2023
Late last month, writer Ben Crew took to Twitter to share one of his ultimate screenwriting goals – envisioning just how deranged the Sterling Cooper & Partners higher-ups had become after a lifetime of chain smoking indoors.
“In 2049, I plan to direct 78-year-old Jon Hamm in the two-hour TV special ‘Mad Men Returns’ where Don Draper ends his advertising career in 2004 by pitching the Quiznos spongemonkeys ad,” Crew, who also penned 'Muppets Present The Great Gatsby' writer wrote in his post shared on March 30.
Though the following day, the author shared a one-page snippet of the project, complete with hyper-detailed descriptions of elderly Draper and his colleagues, musing on then-unknown pedo Jared Fogle, and the pouring of a Monster energy drink into a vodka glass.
Yet it seems this short-form teaser wasn’t enough to satisfy Crew nor the post’s more than 952.9K viewers.
One week later, the author returned to the platform to present his magnum opus – a fully fleshed-out 40-page script of the two-hour special.
Read Mad Men Returns: https://t.co/vSYRaLd0Io— Ben Crew (@BenjaminCrew1) April 5, 2023
Posting the link in the comments because I know Twitter is weird about sharing links now.
I wrote this in 6 days so there's gonna be some grammar and spelling mistakes I'm sure. Just have fun, it's a script about Don Draper & Quiznos.
“I can't resist committing to the bit so I've written a full screenplay of "Mad Men Returns" - enjoy 40 pages of 78-year-old Don Draper pitching the infamous Quiznos Spongmonkeys ad and surviving the year 2004,” he continued in a follow-up post on Wednesday, April 5, alongside a link to the Shakespearean epic of our time.
Now if you’ll excuse us, we have some reading to do.