After years of ferocious debate, one defined by horny Reddit threads, the rise and fall of the Kardashian empire, the popularity of Sydney Sweeney, and of course, anthems like Kelis’ “Milkshake” and Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” it appears we’ve finally settled the age-old question of ass or tits.
On Tuesday, Redditor u/unbalancedcentrifuge headed to r/mildlyinteresting with what may be the most comprehensive, statistically accurate guerrilla study ever conducted on the highly contentious topic — a tally-mark survey on a gas station pump.
The gas station poll is a statistician’s dream pic.twitter.com/Py9U2FAYTk— ɐ͎ʞ͎ć͎ı͎ɹ͎ɐ͎ɯ͎ (@LeaMaric) November 1, 2023
“This unscientific poll has been going on at the local gas station for the last few months,” they captioned a snap of an unknown Royal Farms location.
Though the results appeared to fall firmly in the camp of ass, which nabbed a whopping 23 votes whereas tits landed just six, several Redditors had questions surrounding whether or not this landslide win was impacted by unrelated factors.
My people are dying https://t.co/qvaBq8oqLr— Florida Woman (@stephanicci) November 1, 2023
“I wonder if there is a correlation between loving ass and public defacement,” asked u/Pierre777, before wondering whether “ass people [are] more inclined to carry a sharpie with them.”
Meanwhile, u/ebrum2010 noticed what may be an inconsistency in this extremely accurate data pool.
“Looks like the person with the blue paint marker voted for both,” they added.
But even with these discrepancies, it appears that this poll may still be onto something. Though it’s unknown where the viral survey was conducted, a 2014 PornHub/YouPorn survey found that in all but 10 states — none of which happen to have Royal Farms gas stations — “butts” beat out “boobs” when it came to search terms.
Though it remains unclear when these contested results will be formally verified, one thing is certain: whoever is conducting the poll (probably some gas station attendant), the partially erased write-in “feet” was not appreciated.