A recent post on the r/twoxchromosomes subreddit sparked a conversation about the realities of a new type of porn addiction — an obsession with OnlyFans.
One woman made a post in the women’s-focused subreddit about her husband, and the fact that she opened his phone (at his request) to find it open to a girl’s OnlyFans page. Not only was she concerned with the intimate nature of the videos — “She makes videos that are clearly meant to be perceived as between her and the watcher” — but also the fact that since her husband isn’t working, she’s the sole breadwinner right now and they don’t have a lot of money to spare.
Many commenters offered support while others shared similar stories from their own lives. The top commenter told of a friend whose ex-husband had spent $80,000 on a woman’s OnlyFans while they were married, and advised the OP to check her bank accounts. She did, and found multiple charges a month dating back quite a while, which frustrated her since they’re relying on one income (again, hers) and have “kids to feed, a car payment, a mortgage, etc.”
Naturally, much of the conversation devolved into arguments about whether watching porn constitutes cheating and whether subscribing to someone’s OnlyFans is the same as watching porn, or if it’s more egregious because of the illusion of intimacy and the idea that subscribers have a direct connection to the person they’re lusting after.
An advice columnist for The Cut addressed this question last year. Randa, the columnist, argued that like with any creator-fan relationship on social media, with OnlyFans creators, there is an opportunity to develop an emotional attachment that doesn’t exist with traditional porn. Polling her friends, Randa found one friend said she’d feel uncomfortable if her boyfriend subscribed to someone’s OnlyFans, while another explained that he can be very into someone’s OnlyFans “but it doesn’t affect the way that I feel about my relationship.”
Obviously, cheating can look different to different people — there’s no consensus on whether emotional cheating is cheating, for example — so ultimately, the question is whether you feel betrayed or whether you feel it’s something you can work through. In the OP’s case, she edited her post to clarify that they’ve been married for 10 years and have two children together, and she has no plans to divorce her husband just yet. That said, she was sure to add, “He gets to visit his mom for the rest of the week.”
Who, from the sounds of it, might be his only fan left.