Well, they finally did it. They’ve turned Splinter, a fictional rat who adopted a bunch of turtles, gay.

The proof? Well, this all comes according to Keemstar, a man known for his great ideas. In a Tweet posted on August 2nd, Killer Keem wrote, “They made Splinter GAY in new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle’s [sic]. Why?”

That’s right, Splinter’s doing poppers. He’s downloaded Grindr. He knows his whole birth chart. He was recently spotted at a Charli XCX show.

But the big question, as Keem puts it, is why? Why did the creators of the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem film decide to turn Splinter gay? Why? Why? WHY?!

Because they didn’t, actually.

In a very tired article for Screen Rant entitled “Is Splinter Gay in ‘TMNT Mutant Mayhem’?,” author Cooper Hood very patiently explains to all of the (hopefully) children reading that Splinter is not, in fact, gay. The article also has a lot of colors to keep you entertained as you read.

“The general confusion stems from Splinter and Scumbug’s romance, which becomes quite clear in TMNT: Mutant Mayhem's ending. The two characters quite clearly form a connection and make out after the Turtles defeat Superfly. They are last seen together in the sewers with the rest of the mutants as they stand side-by-side and hold hands. Scumbug is portrayed as a female cockroach throughout the movie, confirming that Splinter is not gay in TMNT: Mutant Mayhem,” declares Hood.

So that’s the end of it. Splinter isn’t gay — he made out with a cockroach! A lady cockroach! Boom, straight. End of story. We should be much more concerned about him contracting polio, a virus cockroaches have been known to carry.

Let’s just hope there wasn’t too much tongue in that kiss.