Despite their reputation as the United States’ resident cheeseheads, Wisconsinites aren’t nearly as nice as their “ope-s” and “you betcha-s” may make them seem, with several Reddit-savvy residents actively scheming to make American Wisconsin again.
The vision for a bigger, badder Badger State all began on Friday, when u/fvrtherdownthespiral headed to r/Wisconsin with a question for their fellow brethren — why the f—k hasn’t Wisconsin invaded the entire Midwest?
The Wisconsin subreddit is cooking today. pic.twitter.com/W8dvfvmWKC— HAH the RH VC Margrave, 本杰明 the 7th Estate, Esq. (@DecolonizeKant) November 18, 2023
“Hypothetically speaking, what's stopping us from liberating the UP, Chicago and like 2/3rds of the Twin Cities?” the user captioned a doctored map depicting a much more robust Wisconsin, one bleeding into parts of Illinois, Minnesota, and Michigan’s Upper Peninsula.
Considering the state’s large national guard, one standing at roughly 10,000 members, per the Wisconsin Department of Military Affairs, u/fvrtherdownthespiral argued that taking over these neighboring states should be nothing cakewalk … or puppy chow walk if you’re nasty.
“We can AT LEAST rock the F—K out of Minnesota,” they insisted. “It's f—king Minnesota. What are they gonna do? Stop us? Cry?”
Beyond (accurately) asserting that most Minnesotans would immediately start weeping and reaching for their nearest white flag in the event of an Eastern invasion, this post evidently resonated with several Wisconsonites, many of whom immediately began plotting the logistics of turning the Heartland into the Cheeseland.
Hypothetically speaking, what’s stopping us from doing a tripartite agreement with our fellow Great Lakes states and splitting up WI when it’s our land bestowed to us by God? Together with IL and MI, 34k serves in our National Guards. What are Wisconsinite gonna do? Get drunk and eat cheese? Cry?
“Minnesota has no natural land barriers besides the Mississippi River, but we're even on that front,” theorized u/competitionAlert1920. “They also have some driftless regions as well, but again we're even there if not Wisconsin taking the lion's share. The Twins would fall easily, from there it's just clean up.”
Illinois, they noted, may pose further challenges than the “Land of 10,000 Lakes.”
“Illinois, no barriers to entry and quite frankly Chicago could never get fortified in time,” they purported. “Take Chicago and you take Illinois but we don't need it all, we can concede the lower portion of the state in good faith to the rest of them.”
Not everyone, however, was sold on these battle blueprints. Amid several mentions of Minnesota’s ongoing “Megasota'' movement, u/BDob73 proclaimed that Wisconsin should forget about its western neighbor entirely, setting its sights on the Roughrider State.
“The real target is North Dakota,” they stated. “Come join us and we’ll annex ND and their oil fields.”
But regardless of whether or not Wisconsin opts for a full-scale invasion of the Midwest, one thing is certain — they must have some really strong beer up north.