Based On A True Story

One day as I was strolling the internets like the man I was i entered into a conversation with a beautiful babe, like any man I asked her to remove her top immediately so i may gaze upon her frost detectors.  she did exactly that. we started talking for a few months then all of a sudden she asked me to go  to her house so we may meet in person, I scraped together a few bucks and took a flight to go see her as I was a man in desperate need for pussy, but not if it meant going out of the safety of my home in order to build up a full relationship that would lead to sex by going out on actual dates, because fuck that.

Along my flight i encountered a flock of birds, i promptly engaged them in conversation.
"hey there buddy" i said.
"buuuuuuakakae" the bird replied.
"i'm going to a girl's house i met over the internet" i told him.
the bird then entered a violent stage of shitting all over the plane's wing and screamed directly at my face in such a manner that caused me to drop my peanust. "LOOK HERE BUDDY YOU'RE GONNA GET RAPED IT HAPPENED TO A BUDDY OF MINE LAST YEAR BUDDY!"
i was slightly furious in his attempt at cock blocking and said "i'm not your buddy, pal" and ripped off his head and all his little friends too and shat down their open neck wounds.

When i arrived at the female's house i was exhausted so i decided to take a nap in her driveway.  I was awakened by a slight movement in the ground and looked down the road to see a large hambeast waddling over to me like a penguin and quickly gaining speed as if propelled by inertia. she stopped at my feet and shadowed over me. her numerous folds of fat made me feel like i was reliving the ending scene of Evolution. It was horrible. she asked me if my name was kocher, startled and wide eyed i shyly said no, but she grabbed my dogtags that i had from vietnam that read Kocher. So she grabbed me by the feet and dragged me into her lair.

I was tied to a bed and was raped numerously. the bed was covered in a horrid mixture of vomit, cum, and baby powder and the air was filled with the aroma of marsupial vagina. i can't believe i ate the whole thing. By day 18 i realized i needed to escape. As she fed me another bowl of ramen, which i was convinced was the only food she had in her entire dormitory, instead of devouring it i stored it in my mouth and made a large rope out of it when she left, as she re entered i strangled her fat lard neck to death and she exploded. i ran all the way back home and told my dad of my adventure, he merely gazed at my gaping asshole that produced oozing blood and fecal doodoo. HIS MOUTH SAID NOT A WORD BUT HIS FACIAL EXPRESSION SAID SO MANY. so i ran to my computer and told ebaumsworld all about it. then that one guy made fun of me and i had to take him out with artillery. you know who you are.
Uploaded 11/15/2010
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