I am Pathetic Man. I must hide my true  identity not for mine or my loved ones safety. But for the fact that if discovered, I would lose my powers and be a typical loser. My disguise is more of a uniform. I am not homeless looking per say. Yet my appearance alludes to the fact that I try and fail constantly. I may have a job, however it is obvious whoever hired me regrets having me there and they are just waiting for me to make the perfect mistake, however, my superpowers render them helpless in terminating me. 

What are my super powers you ask? Well ever since being bitten by a failed mod application at ebaumsworld.com I found myself in a never ending spiral of self pity. It looks as though I could cry at any given moment. I had hit rock bottom. I tried to redeem myself in the comments section but I found my powers only increasing. My shirts became wrinkly. I quit wearing socks. I left cheeto crumbs in my red beard and I stopped trimming it and shaving the neck part. I envied the users who were gathering to play games on Xbox one or PS4, knowing by the time I can afford one they will have moved on to bigger and better things. The self pity and sadness began to boil inside me, changing my appearance and essence of being. 

I discovered my powers in a bar in Texas. I was sitting there nursing my beer and this attractive woman came up to me and said "You seem so sad, honey. What's wrong"? All I could think of is "I'm Pathetic". And then I sensed something. I couldn't quite tell at first, but I think it was empathy. She said, "Come sit with us honey" and I moped to their table. There was a large woman there, a friend of hers I assume. She asked, "What is that smell"? I hung my head in shame. And then she asked what am I drinking. "What ever I can afford" I mumbled with as little confidence as possible. "Your next drink is on me"! she proclaimed. And she bought me a double shot of something I could never afford on my meager salary. 

This has never happened to me unless I go drinking with my mom. "What has changed"? I asked myself. As the night went on I could feel the empathy growing in my favor. Last call came and the large woman asked "how are you getting home"?  "My bicycle" I said, hanging my head in shame. She said "well put it in my truck and I will give you a ride". I couldn't believe it. Free drinks? A ride home from a stranger? This would have never happened in my day to day muddle through this miserable life. She asked me "Where do you live"? I gave her directions to the trailer park where I rent a room in the storage shed. Then she asked "I have this bottle of Jameson I would like to finish off, mind if I come in"? I said "Sure".  She asked "Is that your place here"? And I said "no, I live in the shed in the back". She stopped the truck. I hopped out to get my bike and she rolled down her window and asked "you have any plans for the night"?  I just kind of stared off into space and tried not to cry. She said, "Put up your bike and come hang out with me". I couldn't believe it. My powers were growing stronger by the moment! 

Please help. 

Thank you, 

Pathetic Man.