This blog is a loosely written story based on a song I wrote called "Talking to my boy"



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"I think it's going to be alright, your mom knows what's best for you."  I tell my son as he settles in for the night.


I know these words are true, but he does not.  He is only 4 and a half and can't quite grasp the fact that everything we ever did was for his benefit.

 Being 4 is all about toys and fun and obtaining things and finding the limits of any objects cohesiveness.  Try to break it, try to take it, and if all else fails, at least keep other kids from taking it from you


He worries about his mother sometimes.  I worry for him.  I know his mother is fine, but a 4 year old should not have to think of such things as his parents emotional status.


"Things will change and get a whole bunch better!" I say with a wide grin.  This seems to make him smile.  "Good night son, I love you." I whisper as he reaches over and kisses a picture he has on his nightstand.  


The inscription on the picture is gibberish to him, but he knows it means something.


"I love you dad, Good night."  He replies.


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I have these talks with my son every night, whether he listens or not, whether he is in the mood or not, and we will always have our nightly talks if I have anything to say about it.


When he turned 5 and started kindergarten, he had a whole new bag of things to talk about.  Classes, lessons, numbers, homework, and what he had for lunch.  It is all I can do not to snatch him up ruin his bedtime routine.


I love these talks.  He tells me about his school day, and what he played with.  Sometimes he tells me about what he learned but most of the time during his 4th year, it was about friends and toys.  Bless his heart.  Ending each night with an "I love you Dad, Good night." and he always leans over and kisses his favorite picture, before closing his eyes.


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Today was a tough day.  All he can talk about is how he has to leave his friends, his school, and his house.  He loves this house.  This is the only house he has ever known.  He learned to walk here, talk here, and ride his power wheels quad here.  


This move is going to be tough on him.  He asks if he can take his Lightning McQueen bed and his favorite picture...


"Of course you can take them with you." I reassure him  "...and don't worry, moving is not such a horrible thing once you get there, I promise, I had done it tons of times as a kid, and a few times with mommy.  You will meet new friends, have new places to play, and will get to decorate your room any way you like!!!  And I will be there and we get through it together, I promise!"


It took more than a few talks to get the feeling of dread to leave him regarding this move.  


If he only understood why the move had to happen, but that, is far to complicated for him also.  


Truth be told it's his mommy that needs this move.  She needs a change of scenery, and a change of routine.  She needs to leave some painful memories behind, and make a new life for her family, away from here.  


He will understand that someday.


"I love you dad, Good night."


"I love you too son...  with all my heart."


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Tonights talk started with a weird question...


"Daddy what does it mean to rip?"  He asked as he changed into his Mater jammies and started brushing his teeth.


"It means to tear son... like a piece of paper.  You can rip a piece of paper." I tried to explain as he rinsed his mouth out.


A puzzled look came over his face as crawled in bed.  "Can you rip a person?  Or a friend?" he inquired.


"Uh... no you can't buddy... I mean..." Jeez, where do I go with this... then it dawned on me... "Do you mean R.I.P.?


"Yes, like what you see on the concretes at the grave place." he responded...


"It means Rest In Peace.  It is basically a prayer for those who have... passed on, or..."

"...died?" he finished for me.


"Yes,   Exactly.  Why do you ask?" I shot back at him...


"You guys taught me to pray at night, is it like the same thing?" he continued...


"In a way yes, it is you asking for the best things for those you love.  But praying means you can ask for the best things for those who are still here also.  Did you ask for good things to happen to everyone you know and love tonight?"  I quized...


"Of course silly daddy, I always do.  I love you daddy, good night."  he said as he leaned over and kissed his picture...


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I get it now... he has learned to read... God this kid is amazing and I love him so much.  Teaching him to pray at night was one of the best things we ever did.


His mom walks in the room and tucks the blanket under his chin before stopping to stare at the picture on his nightstand.  Hopefully she can escape the horrible memories here and build some new ones elsewhere.  Regardless of what happens, I will always be there for my boy, my life, my son, my family.  


A tear wells up in her eye as she picks up the picture of her son, on his 4th birthday, being held by his dad, her husband.


She brushes her hand over the inscription...


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                    R.I.P.                       **
 I love you daddy, good night  
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