Scoffing a group of lads almost instigated a brouhaha.

I was deemed the automatic winner in this given situation, due to my superior intellectual grasp on life and my physical abilities and competencies. It wasn't the first time I encountered such rude individuals but as a mere beneficiary to society, I decided to act and claim the hearts of nearby female specimens. 

Last Thursday's morrow's eve, I decided to venture to a nearby bar to perhaps converse with female specimens and lure them into my playpen, where I would bask them with my presence and further converse about political topics and the day's cricket game. 

My intentions, as seen, were simple but a plethora of men dressed in turtleneck sweaters thought otherwise. They enveloped the female population with their unkempt greasy hair and emaciated arms that outstretched past their waists! In order to subdue the simpletons, I vociferated a statement to simply quell the tensions among the group, "Hark! Did you happen to purchase those 'fine' sweaters at the Boor Store?" as I followed that up with a resonant laugh, a slap on the knee, and a knock of my pint. The adjacent bar wench, at the time, smiled ever so slightly and I rightly heard an applause for my efforts to jettison these irrelevant oafs from the vicinity. 

The dignitary of the group, however, did not willingly accept my lark and pointed towards the exit, implying that I should leave or else things will escalate into nastier matters. I stood up from my stool, knocking it over, and hollered, "Bar wench, I require your assistance." I beckoned the bar wench over and immediately demanded for a round of pints for the lads, deceiving the entire scene into thinking that I was reluctantly going to surrender to such peasants. The wench summoned a cornucopia of the finest ale as I willingly thanked and paid her the dues for such. Once the wench turned around, I overturned the tray of drinks right into the laps of the fools! Each drop of ale doused the entire crowd of louts as their phony stoic facial expressions instantly turned to infuriated snarls. 

I commenced chortling as each member of the group gradually approached my presence, mostly looking to disfigure my limbs and overall mortify me. With haste, I revealed to the fine group the hidden compartment of my cane, which contained a jagged knife; surprised by the weapon, the men retreated back to the parking lot, where the men scurried into their respective Nissans and Acuras. I was rung up as the winner as at least five female specimens handed me their messenger devices, underwear, and sticks of gum. Lesson learned, the alpha who nonchalantly states his cause will always end up as the victor. 

Uploaded 09/28/2011
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