The night my life changed forever

I walked in the door and the yelling stated before I could get the door closed. Oh so its going to be one of those night I see.

She dropped a glass of milk on the floor and somehow its my fault. 2 years of being married and things have been getting worse and worse.

She informs me that she stopped taking the 5 different meds she is suppose to be on for her schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.

I didnt know about either one when I agreed to live with her ( she kept lots of secrets) After about 10 minutes of yelling at me. I tell her I dont want to fight Im going to change the cats pans. She continues to yell. She goes upstairs to out bedroom I make myself dinner and sit down to watch tv .

A few min later she walks into the room bleeding from her  left wrist and a knife in the other hand. She asks me if this is what I want and need. If this is going to make me happy.  I jump up to try and help her she starts screaming at me to leave her alone. I tell her  im sorry for what ever I did. Im sorry. How could you do this. What is so wrong that you wanted to do this to yourself

I run to the phone and call 911 tell them to send me help my wife has cut her wrist. I give the lady my name and address tell her to send me help now. I dropped the phone and I go back where my wife is standing blood dripping on the floor beside her she is just standing there I reach for her arm to try and stop the bleeding. Im looking her in the eyes trying to figure out what I did what is so bad that she would have done this. I feel  a sharp intense pain in my arm. I look down to see the same knife she had in her hand in now through my arm. I see the point sticking out the other side of my arm. She starts screaming at me again. Telling me she wants a baby and her life is not worth living without one. All I can think about is there is a knife sticking through my arm and you have cut one of your wrist and you are screaming tht you want a baby ?

I hear someone beating on the door I yell for them to come in and help me. Its the paramedic they sit her down and are trying to calm her down. One grabs me and take me to the other room and he pulls the knife out of my arm and bandages me up. They put her in the ambulance tell me I meet them at the ER about 6 blocks away.

I remember looking down at my arm in the car and the white bandage was red now. The ER had he sedated and stopped the bleeding. They admitted her to the hospital and told me was in critical condition .she has lost a lot of blood and  They took me back and cleaned up my arm and I got 20 stitches 10 on the top and 10 on the bottom. Bandaged me up and sent me upstairs to talk to the Dr about my wife. I told him what had happened and he told me that the next day they would admit her to the psych ward that it is mandatory when someone cuts their writs.

 I call her parents they come and they came up to the hospital and sat with me telling me they know that this wasnt my fault and they loved me.

They said they were so sorry things were not working out between us and they are sorry we are getting a divorce. I felt like I had been slapped in the face. We had never talked about getting a divorce before never even thought of it before. Her father told me she had come to them earlier that week and spoke to them about it. That they gave her money for a deposit on an apt. This was all a huge slap in the face. Once she stabilized they told us she could have 1 visitor at a time come in her room. The nurse told me she requested not to see me. Both her parents went in and spoke to her for a while and came back out and sat with me for awhile. Ask me if they could do anything for me and what I was going to do. I was at a loss. Its 1am now and im sitting in the waiting room trying to sort out what I should do. Its 7am now and she still doesnt want to see me or talk to me. I go home and try and lay down. I find a letter she wrote about her plan to end her life b/c she doesnt want to continue to be so un happy and miserable. The note said she hated me and that I made her do this. At the end of the note it said she loved me and I was the sweetest person she has ever met and she was so sorry to put me through what she was planning. I called my sister and asked if I could come over I didnt want to stay in that house anymore. There was blood from blood from both of us on the floors I didnt want to see it anymore.

They next day I got a call from her mom asking me how I was. I asked her how her daughter was and she told me that she was doing good and that she still didnt want to see me.  A few days has past and she is now being monitored in the psych ward. I have cleaned up the house and rented a steam cleaner to clean the carpet where there is now a slight pink hue to the brown carpet. I get a knock on the door and a guy with a tie asked me how I am doing. I say fine I guess what can I do for you. He handed me papers and told me I had been served. She had gone to the attorneys office a month ago and stated the divorce paper work. I called them and told them what had happened and said I think she is going to reconsider the office told me she contacted them earlier that day to make sure that things were still proceeding for  the divorce. I called her mom and she said she knew that they talked to her daughter that morning. They said that they were sorry. I didnt deserve this that she has lost her mind. I told them I was sorry for whatever it was I did to make her do all this. 1 moth passed and he dad and some friends help me move the few things I took with me. I still had not spoken to her at her request

Her parents helped me with a deposit and told me they wuld pay her Dr bills not to worry about it. 2 months have passed and I start getting text and messeages about how she needs me how she loves me how what she did was such a mistake and how sorry she was. 4 moths pass I get the paper work from my attorney that the divorce is final. Its Christmas time and her parents send me a gift card  for $500 to buy new stuff for myself since I left the house we were renting with my clothes and a few other things. Its been 4 years now. I still have not spoken to her and its been 2 years since I last spoke to her parents. my life is better. 

Uploaded 05/22/2012
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