All you insecure haters gettin' up in my grill saying that I'm ugly when you know I'm not! You all know you want some of THIS! Because if I say I'm hot, then I AM hot to you too! And I'll tell you why!

1. One of my boobs is a couple cups bigger than the other. But it's okay! Because some men like small boobs, and others like big ones. So whichever man I'm with, I just turn to the side to make him like me.

2. I onced called a girl hot. This means I'm bisexual.

3. I'm 110lbs and all of it is in my ass. I know my ass is fat, but my fiance loves me anyways.

4. I have to constantly remind people that I'm hot, whether they have seen me in reality or not. This makes people respect and love me, and call me hot like I deserve.

5. I suck up food stamps and cash assistance from the government. Not because I need it and I can't hold a job, but they give it to me because I'm hot!

I could write hundreds more different reasons why I'm hot, but I must go fix up a snack  (to be exact, I'm having some chicken flavored Ramen noodles, a pint of chocolate fudge ice cream, a bag of pork grinds, and a big bottle of egg nog...helps my figure!) and watch some Twilight.

Please love me.