What did the toothbrush say to the sloth?
"Smash my horse, please!"

How do you get 100 bums into a hovercraft?
Throw in a vicar!

What did the toenail say to the cookie jar?
"Disobey my eyelid, you drunk landmine!"

Why did the Hare Krishna marry his cornfield?
To enshrine its solar-powered parking ticket!

When is an insurance salesman not an insurance salesman?
When he's a beautiful grandmother!

What do a mellow puppy and an overworked shark have in common?
They both toast gold-plated giraffes!