Men's View on Women
cartooncre8tr
Published
11/23/2008
What's the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the battered women's clinic?
~The god damned dishes if she knows what's good for her.
Why do women get married in white?
~So they match the kitchen appliances!
Why did Clinton lose the election?
~Cause she is a woman
Whats the difference between your wife and your dog?
~Walking the dog is relaxing.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
~A battery has a positive side.
What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you?
~You made the chain too long.
Why did the woman cross the road?
~Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?
Why don't women wear watches?
~There's a clock on the stove.
Why do women have short feet?
~So they can stand closer to the stove.
Why dont women have a penis?
~So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Why don't women need drivers licenses?
~There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive?
~Because she was a woman.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
~None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.
What if God's a woman?
~Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why.
What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
~Pregnant.
If your dog is barking at the back door and Danielle Cardella is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
~The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon?
~t doesn't need cleaning yet
How is a woman like a laxative?
~They both irritate the crap out of you.
Woman inspires us to great things...and prevents us from achieving them. (Dumas)
What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?
~You hit her.
Wanna hear a funny joke?
~Women's rights.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
~Nothing, shes already been told twice.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
~None, let the bitch cook in the dark!
Women are cute and cuddly - every man should own one.
How are women and high school phone policies similar?
~Because they can be seen but not heard
Why do women live longer than men?
~Because God adds them the time that they wasted on parking.
How do you get a woman dizzy?
~Put her in a circular room and tell her to go to a corner.
A man runs over his wife. Whose fault is it?
~The man, he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
~The god damned dishes if she knows what's good for her.
Why do women get married in white?
~So they match the kitchen appliances!
Why did Clinton lose the election?
~Cause she is a woman
Whats the difference between your wife and your dog?
~Walking the dog is relaxing.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
~A battery has a positive side.
What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you?
~You made the chain too long.
Why did the woman cross the road?
~Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?
Why don't women wear watches?
~There's a clock on the stove.
Why do women have short feet?
~So they can stand closer to the stove.
Why dont women have a penis?
~So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Why don't women need drivers licenses?
~There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive?
~Because she was a woman.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
~None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.
What if God's a woman?
~Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why.
What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
~Pregnant.
If your dog is barking at the back door and Danielle Cardella is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
~The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon?
~t doesn't need cleaning yet
How is a woman like a laxative?
~They both irritate the crap out of you.
Woman inspires us to great things...and prevents us from achieving them. (Dumas)
What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?
~You hit her.
Wanna hear a funny joke?
~Women's rights.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
~Nothing, shes already been told twice.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
~None, let the bitch cook in the dark!
Women are cute and cuddly - every man should own one.
How are women and high school phone policies similar?
~Because they can be seen but not heard
Why do women live longer than men?
~Because God adds them the time that they wasted on parking.
How do you get a woman dizzy?
~Put her in a circular room and tell her to go to a corner.
A man runs over his wife. Whose fault is it?
~The man, he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
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