“She picked the cat up and locked it outside the bedroom, I knew that meant we were going to bang so I got a boner. It was Just awkward to get hard at the sight of her removing our little kitty.”

“She sneezed and her boobs jiggled, don't think that she did it on purpose but hey, it worked”

“Sometimes when I cry it gives him a boner.”

She says “oh hey I shaved my legs”. Yep. The only clear sign women can send. Despite the fact that leg hair does not prevent or even affect intercourse. Yeah I’m all in for face, bob and cat, leg hair would have to be winter on Kashyyyk level to distract me.”

“My wife sometimes will just walk up to me and say, “Heyyyyyyyyy.””

“After working a shift as a bouncer in a bar I came home to my girlfriend who had a beer ready for me and a late night Start Trek TNG marathon on the television. As I got more relaxed and laid in the couch she spooned me, and took the role of little spoon. A new episode had just started and when the into clip started she pulled up her skirt to show me she had no panties on. Reaching behind her back she undid my jeans. Then the commercial break was over and we watched Trek. Commercial time comes round and we bang. Show comes back on and we watch. Repeat until the end credits roll and she tells me she is headed to bed and I should join her. I have no idea what episode we watched that night but it’s still my favorite.”

“She cleaned my keyboard and desk etc… And she also kept the monitors in the same position when she was done.”

“I was standing in the kitchen making a pb&j and she violently slides her hand up my butt crack and then shouts “card accepted!””

“I’m a very neat person, and one of my friends used to tease for being so uptight. Although he’d make fun of me for being organised and tidy, secretly, he was as well. When I was at Uni living in a shared house with him and some other people, he used to go into my room and tidy it up. He would even sharpen my pencils until they were all the same length. Whenever I wore a revealing top, his jokey compliment was “your boobs are looking very symmetrical today”. He’d help me make timetables for my day, and he’d help me revise, and honestly, nothing turned me on more. One time, I admitted to him that the reason I was in a bad mood was because that morning I’d got dressed in a hurry and I wasn’t wearing matching underwear. After that, he made fun of me every time I was in a bad mood saying “did you forget to put on matching underwear today?”. Eventually, it annoyed me so much that I stripped off my clothes just to prove my bra and panties matched. And that’s how we ended up having sex.”

“My girlfriend likes to role play sometimes. One time we were just talking about my son and how she thought that, when he gets to high school and starts dating girls, they might have crushes on me. This turned into her pretending to be a 16-year-old girl seducing an old man AssBlaster_69 into banging her for $$. It worked.”

“He does the monkey walk. Arms above his head, hip cocked to one side, then lots of wiggling/hip swaying as he runs towards be making what can best be described as Zoidberg noises. It’s absolutely hilarious, and never fails to turn me on.”

“On the second date, I invited him (my boyfriend) to my house so we could hang out and so I could show him this insane show called Toast of London. About halfway through the episode, I thought he was laughing and knocked his head into my shoulder. (We were sitting pretty close on my bed.) The second time it happened I realized it was something else. “Did you just kiss my shoulder?” “….Um, yeah?” Turns out he was giving me pecks on my shoulder throughout the show and I didn’t notice. I proceeded to take him to pound town. It wasn’t until after that I found out he was inexperienced with that kind of stuff and it totally made sense. Though I will say that he’s definitely NOT inexperienced now.”

“tried to do a sexy dance, slipped on the curtains, pulled down the curtains and the railing holding them up, proceeded to get railed.”

“He put a hotdog in my pocket. No really. I was washing dishes and he came up behind me and put something in my back pocket. It was his hotdog.”

“Not sure if it’s intentional, but I always get turned on when my gf plugs my phone charger into that hard to reach wall outlet.”

“At a big group dinner, i noticed him showing photos of his dog to some girls. They were obviously into him, but he kept this up for a full hour and was honestly just sharing photos of his dog. After he introduced himself to me and asked if instead of partying at the frat house, I wanted to hang out with his dog. And it was honestly just hanging out with him and his dog. Ugh even thinking about it reminds me how hot it was.”

““Sorry you had a bad day. Want to order a pizza for dinner and watch a Disney movie? I’ll wash your hair later.” I married him.”

“Wearing a Richard Nixon mask and singing the Golden Girls theme song.”