I had to explain everything to a girl. Everything. I still don‘t know if she was exceptionally stupid or tried to keep the conversation going and was just really bad at it. Do you remember the guy who acted like he didn‘t know what a potato was? Texting with her was exactly like that.

Every time I took a bite of food he asked me a question, after which he started at me while I finished chewing. The date went on like this for an hour, he had a supernatural sense of poor timing.

I just didn’t want to keep driving to that part of town because of traffic

She called someone “a pompous”. Nope, she didn’t say he was acting pompous or that he was a pompous ass. He was a pompous.

Not me, but someone refusing to date me because, “it’s weird you don’t have Instagram.”

Every single text of hers ended with ‘…’ I just couldn’t do it man

She thought Pixar/Animated movies were “dumb and childish.” She now lives in a tiny home in the middle of the desert and honestly, that’s where someone like that needs to be kept.

Everything was going great, thought she was an amazing girl and we’d been seeing each other for two months. Go to her house for the first time and it was a little messy, but nothing to write home about. Then I go to the bathroom and put up the toilet seat… I don’t think she’d ever cleaned the bottom of the toilet seat given how disgusting it was. From then on, the only thing I could think about when talking or being with her was that disgusting toilet seat.

My mom stopped dating a guy because he unfastened and refastened the velcro on his shoes throughout an entire movie. At the movie theater.

He got a few consecutive bites out of my ice cream on our first date without asking me and before I even tasted my own ice cream…and didn’t even offer his to me.

Had the same first name as my brother and father.

All The Words In Every Text He Sent Were Capitalized. Trust Me, It Got ANNOYING.

When I found out that he thought lemons were unripened oranges

His name was Mario and he was a plumber. I just couldn’t

Went on a blind date with a guy. Learned, while on that date, his last name was Moist. He was a police officer. Officer Moist.

Her nostrils were fucking tiny. Wtf

one word replies, literally no effort at all, felt like I was writing a monology

His tattoos. He had this god awful Medusa looking thing on his right calf. I went on a hike with him and had to stare at that fucking tattoo for two solid hours. I ended it when we got off the mountain.