19 People Who Got The Best Revenge.
Nathan Johnson
Published
05/25/2021
Some of these were well deserved.
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1.
I ground up laxatives and tainted all my kitchen fridge food with it to figure out which of my seven roommates was eating all my food, while I survived off a secret stash in my mini-fridge. I found out who did it. Very, very quickly. -
2.
There was a kid in Jr. High that was always in my shit. Constantly trolling me, following me around talking shit. I tried turning the other cheek, being nice and shit like that, but it was just not working. Fast forward to high school, we are both on the wrestling team. I’m like one weight class above him, so we have lots and lots of close contact and he was still being a dick. Double leg takedown. Scooped him up in the air and dented the mat with him. The coach got pissed and made me do extra cardio after practice. Felt really fucking good. -
3.
During my Valedictorian speech, I called out the teacher who told me I would fail her class. The best “suck it” moment of my life. -
4.
A kid I was friends with hit me in the balls 3 times in one night. He then called me a “wee baby” and got in my face. He tried to make me flinch by half-swinging at me. I didn’t flinch, but instead, head-butted him with everything I had. Crushed his nose, blood pouring out of his face. I had a tiny cut in the center of my forehead, with one line of blood running down my face. I looked fucking psychotic but badass. Also, fuck you for that, David. -
5.
When I was 11 years old, I was bullied by a 12-year-old boy. He would steal things from my lunch every day. I got sick of it and decided to do something about it. One day, I brought a super hot pepper in my lunch and pretended to be really excited about it. Sure enough, the boy comes over, snatches it from my hand, and pops it in his mouth. He practically exploded in pain. Writhing around on the floor, unable to handle the heat. I calmly looked at him and told him that drinking a nice glass of cold water would help immensely. He did so. This promptly magnified the pain 100x. He never stole food from me again. I regret nothing. -
6.
This may seem small, but it was the most satisfying thing I have ever done. When I was in the seventh grade I sat behind a jerk who hated me and enjoyed being annoying. Every single goddamn day he would lean back in his chair and hit the front of my desk, over and over again. If I was trying to write something, he would do it even harder. So one day, I decided enough was enough, and in the middle of a lesson, he started again. So I waited, and right as he was leaning his chair back fast, trying to knock my desk hard, I pulled it back. Without my desk behind him, his chair tipped right over and he hit the ground hard. I can still clearly remember him whispering “you bitch” beneath the laughter of the whole class and the teacher yelling at him to get up. The look on his face was a mixture of shock, embarrassment, and pure rage as he looked up at me from the floor. Bastard never fucked with me again. -
7.
Driving to drop someone off my radar detector went off. Saw a cop sitting in a parking lot. Dropped off my friend and headed back. The whole way some ass is tailgating me. Speed limits 40, I’m doing 45 and he’s so close I can’t see his headlights. We come up to a traffic circle and he tries to pass me on the right. I sped up and he kept trying. We hit about 80-90 with him on the shoulder. Come up to the crest of a hill and I know the cop is right on the other side. I hit the brakes and he flew up over the hill, had to be doing 90 in a 40. I even stopped to let the cop-out of the parking lot. MOST. SATISFYING. THING. EVER. -
8.
When I was 12 years old, a kid beat me up at a birthday party for reasons unknown. 4 years later, the kid is a pitcher (and a very good one at that) for his school in the playoffs. I was playing for the other team. After going 0-3 to start the game, I hit a walk-off home run off of him to advance to the next round. The kid actually started crying on the mound. I don’t think I’ve ever had a bigger smile than I did in that moment. Still have the ball in my apartment at college. -
9.
Beating the shit out of the man who abused and beat my mother for 6 years. 7 years later and she still has no idea. -
10.
A shitty repair shop messed up our car, which left us stranded, in a nearby National Park. We called and demanded they tow the vehicle in, and while they said they’d come to get us, they never did. When we talked with park rangers they were quite familiar with the shop: the biggest in town, and with a terrible reputation. We were on our honeymoon and had more time on our hands than I imagine most travelers do. We went to the shop, demanded a full refund, and when they refused we sat out front on the curb in our camp chairs for two days with homemade protest signs. I was overwhelmed with the support we got from locals, who honked and waved, stopped and chatted with us, and shared their own stories of horror. The owner called the cops on us, but the joke was on him! We’d already notified the police we’d be protesting and were well within our rights in doing so. In the end, the shop owner refunded all our money and left visibly distressed when we told him that even with the refund, we weren’t sure we were ready to leave town. Eventually, we did, but not before filing complaints with the BBB and every review site we could find. -
11.
My ex-fiancee walked out on me a week before the wedding. I later married a great girl, became much wealthier, and about to have a kid. Meanwhile, I heard she’s still living in her parents’ apartment and is actively looking online for dates. The best revenge is living a better life without her, and that is what I did. -
12.
When I was a kid (probably 4 or 5 years old) I was watching Dumbo with my neighbor. The “elephants on parade part” was scary as all hell to me back then, and I peed my pants. My neighbor told everyone in my Pre-K class and would not stop calling me the “pants-peer”. Finally, one day I slept over at her house and took a pair of her pants out of her closet, put them on, and peed in them. I woke her up to show her, and that’s the story of how I became the two-time pants-peer. -
13.
There was a guy in high school who was a complete ass to me. I decided to exact revenge via magazine. I went to the school library and pulled subscription cards out of every female magazine I could get my hands on, and a few strange ones like Psychology Today and Architectural Digest, and filled out cards in his name, with his address, and checked “bill me later”. I overheard him complaining a few months later how he kept getting all these magazines he never ordered and it was getting irritating. Score. -
14.
When I was 16, I was heartbroken by a girl who fucked someone else. I used it as motivation to eat better and lose weight. I saw her a couple of years later and it looks like she gained as much as I lost (80 lbs). Felt soo good. -
15.
Ex cheated on me, moved out but moved out slowly over time, which meant I still lived with a lot of her stuff. Some of her clothes were left in the closet. I cut teeny tiny corners off of every sleeve, but barely enough to be noticeable. You’d have to think you were going insane to notice it…but then again, over time, each sleeve did look…somewhat off. She eventually asked me about it months later. I denied everything. I regret nothing. -
16.
In 4th grade gym, I discovered heartbreak, revenge, and victory all in one class period. Moments before class had started my “boyfriend” dumped me because I was too weird. There I sat in disbelief and sadness, and he just ran around as nothing had happened. We were put on opposite teams, only making the chasm between us greater. Now, I am possibly the worst person at sports, wiffleball being no exception. I stepped up to the orange rubber plate, the bat heavy in my hands. My Ex was pitching and called out to everyone in the outfield, “don’t worry about this one, she can’t hit anything.” I was embarrassed. I was heartbroken. Mostly, I was pissed. I said nothing, watching as he casually cocked back his arm. His eyes gleamed as the ball flew from his grip, careening towards me. I raised my bat and swung with all of my measly strength. The wifflebball met my bat with a dull, plastic WHACK. Next, the wiffleball met my Ex’s balls, square on. I watched as he crumpled to the floor, a wailing heap. My team cheered for me as I ran around the bases, greeting me with high fives as I cleared home. -
17.
During our 100 multiple choice law exam, I wrote all my answers on the original exam page and colored in wrong answers on the scantron sheet. The girl who copied me since day 1 thought she was going to pass this exam worth 30% of our final mark. She looked over and copied most of my scantron answers, then guessed a few, handed it in, and left for the Winter break. I erased all my old answers, put the correct answers in, turned it in, and left. I got 71/100 and barely managed to pass that class. I’ll find out what she got on Tuesday when I maybe see her with a gun at my locker. -
18.
When I was in 4th grade, I was pushed around a lot by a kid who thought he was hot shit. I told my parents, I told my teacher, they told the teacher and the principal….. no avail. So one day, he kicks the back of my shoe causing it to pop off. I turned and punch him in the stomach. He keeled over and rolled/fell down about 5-6 stairs to the next landing. I didn’t even get in trouble, and even though he is still an asshole, he never dared to touch me again. -
19.
So my grandfather was driving and an obviously drunk man threw a rock and shattered his windshield. My grandfather talked to him and told him ‘If you give me your real number, I’ll only have you pay for half of the windshield or we can figure something out’. Of course, the guy gave him a fake number. A year later, my grandfather picks up a guy from Park & Ride (carpooling), he happens to be the man that shattered his windshield. They’re driving on the freeway and the guy doesn’t recognize him. He’s being rude and talking on his phone. My grandpa asks to see his phone and throws it out the window. The guy freaks out and my grandpa goes ‘Remember me?’.
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