20 Insane Self Defense Tips Guaranteed to Backfire
Deadbeat_Dave
Published
02/17/2022
in
Funny
Fights rarely end well -- for the winner or the loser alike. Indeed, many a jail cell and cemetery is full of people who felt they needed to make a fist and "go to battle" for one reason or another. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be prepared. Taking a boxing, MMA or other self-defense class is not only a good way to stay in shape and learn how to handle confrontation should it prove inescapable and absolutely unavoidable, it's a great way to practice discipline and hard work. Reddit, on the other hand, will do none of that for you.
We went through multiple Reddit threads seeking self-defense advice and 'fight tips', starting with this one, with some dating back to almost a decade and sifted through it all for some of the genuinely, most unsurprisingly terrible advice on there.
We went through multiple Reddit threads seeking self-defense advice and 'fight tips', starting with this one, with some dating back to almost a decade and sifted through it all for some of the genuinely, most unsurprisingly terrible advice on there.
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1. u/TreesNotBees:
First off forget the "rules". Let the other person take the first swing. This does two things (1) lets you know their dominate side so you will know where to expect the majority of their strikes will come from, (2) they will have initiated the fight so pretty much whatever you do can be considered self-defense. Next Defense, the best defense is a good offense. So where do you strike? joints; knees and elbows are a good place to start. You're not trying to kill them so the goal is to remove the threat. A dislocated elbow or knee will do the trick nicely and chances are they will be in such pain that they will collapse.
To dislocate an elbow let the other person's come at you, move slightly so that it passes infront of you. Then grab their arm from below (if they swing with their right use your right hand for this) towards the wrist, then with your other hand, slam your open fist directly on to the elbow, when done with enough force this will cause their elbow to go the wrong direction. Now that the person is too distracted by their injury go for the knees. A solid kick to the side of the knee should take them to the ground.
Now walk away victorious.
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2. u/Claustrophobic_Worm:
Strip down. That should stop them! ...or piss them off.
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3. u/NotoneFrick
Stand on someones foot them punch them in the face. This knocks the person over.
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4. u/mrmpr:
If it's a girl fighting a girl its usually advantageous to rip her shirt off. The embarrassment will surely make her stop fighting.
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5. u/daBomb26:
Yell r*pe at the top of your lungs. Preferably with an incredibly feminine tone if at all possible.
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6. u/[deleted]:
Don't start fights but if you get in one finish it quickly and leave before the cops show up. Also, act like you are not going to fight until the last possible second and throw the hardest punch you can. Always get the first punch and go with a hook with your dominant.
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7. u/Savethetrees4life:
Allow yourself to be hit first and claim self defense against your assault charges. Think long term cuz in jail there will be more fights. If all else fails punch in the throat.
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8. u/Sufficient-Location:
Talk sh*t while swinging to maintain breathing
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9. u/Erenogucu:
Do not clench your jaw when your about to get hit. A sore jaw is easier to heal than broken teeth.
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10. u/WayTooBlueForYou:
90% of fights end with one punch. Always punch first.
If you have to fight someone bigger, save the punch and throw a head butt.
If you throw that head butt and the guy is still standing…run cause you’re in a world of trouble.
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11. u/PM_A_THOUGHT:
My boyfriend who gets pulled into fights a lot because he's a martial artist. The one time I was with him at night, some idiot hit him with a two by four.
We're both blind so we did't it coming and I had no idea what just happened because I'm also hard of hearing.
We just walked away from the idiots. He really wanted to lose his sh-t then but wanted to keep me safe.
So the best way to win is to simply walk away. They might call you a loser but he's the winner that night.
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12. u/AllahVerga:
Extend arms and spin towards opposition like a tornado
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13. u/totollynotme:
Let them throw the 1st punch and hold their arm then break their bones that's what I learned
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14. u/TheBunganator:
Slam your palm as hard as you can into the opponent's nose in an upward direction. If you get it right it'll send shards of bone into their brain and end them permanently.
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15. u/V4refugee:
Run, get naked, bite, run.
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16. u/Juh825:
I grew up in the 90's, when bullying still wasn't perceived as a serious issue, and was smaller than my peers. Back then, I developed a technique which involved throwing a fake punch at the bully's face. I'd just stick out a fist towards their face, as fast as I could, moving my right hand back. When they took up both arms to protect the face (and laughed at how weak I was), I'd try to pull on their hands/shirt with the left hand and throw a haymaker right in the gut (with my free right hand). IF that worked, they'd be instantly incapacitated and kind of bending forward and hugging their belly - at which point I'd uppercut them right in the neck and bail out. I managed to take out a guy twice my size once doing this.
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17. u/pipelayer304:
Use the web of your hand between your pointer finger and your thumb and Jab them in the throat. As hard as fast as you can. I am an experienced fighter and this full take most people out of the fighting mood very quickly. It's hard to stay aggressive when your throat is swelling shut
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18. u/Sparkykc124:
An open slap to the face can be a brutal move, just make sure it's loud. It stuns your opponent with embarrassment and allows for a follow up or for you to get a head-start.
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19. u/[deleted]:
Pull out your d--k and charge at them urinating.
I actually believe this happened somewhere in Australia, and it worked.
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20. u/ButtcrackBeignets:
The best fighting tip I can give you is to not take fighting tips from Reddit. Nobody here has any f--king idea what they're talking about.
Just go to an MMA gym. The only way to realistically develop any fighting ability at all is to drill and do live sparring. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a c--ks--ker.
Also, go hit some weights or something. If you're of comparable size and "skill", the more athletic one of you two has an advantage. Like, you could literally ingrain every single "fighting tip" in this thread into someone's head but if they can't jog a quarter-mile or do a push up, they're going to get the sh-t beat out of them.
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u/TreesNotBees:
First off forget the "rules". Let the other person take the first swing. This does two things (1) lets you know their dominate side so you will know where to expect the majority of their strikes will come from, (2) they will have initiated the fight so pretty much whatever you do can be considered self-defense. Next Defense, the best defense is a good offense. So where do you strike? joints; knees and elbows are a good place to start. You're not trying to kill them so the goal is to remove the threat. A dislocated elbow or knee will do the trick nicely and chances are they will be in such pain that they will collapse.
To dislocate an elbow let the other person's come at you, move slightly so that it passes infront of you. Then grab their arm from below (if they swing with their right use your right hand for this) towards the wrist, then with your other hand, slam your open fist directly on to the elbow, when done with enough force this will cause their elbow to go the wrong direction. Now that the person is too distracted by their injury go for the knees. A solid kick to the side of the knee should take them to the ground.
Now walk away victorious.
First off forget the "rules". Let the other person take the first swing. This does two things (1) lets you know their dominate side so you will know where to expect the majority of their strikes will come from, (2) they will have initiated the fight so pretty much whatever you do can be considered self-defense. Next Defense, the best defense is a good offense. So where do you strike? joints; knees and elbows are a good place to start. You're not trying to kill them so the goal is to remove the threat. A dislocated elbow or knee will do the trick nicely and chances are they will be in such pain that they will collapse.
To dislocate an elbow let the other person's come at you, move slightly so that it passes infront of you. Then grab their arm from below (if they swing with their right use your right hand for this) towards the wrist, then with your other hand, slam your open fist directly on to the elbow, when done with enough force this will cause their elbow to go the wrong direction. Now that the person is too distracted by their injury go for the knees. A solid kick to the side of the knee should take them to the ground.
Now walk away victorious.
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